Thursday, May 31, 2012

Zombie Apocalypse

Are you prepared?

According to the chart, I am VERY well prepared! Mua-hahahahahahahaaaa!!!!!!

I had been snarking all week that it stands to reason that the zombie apocalypse would start in Florida since a very large part of the population of Haiti now resides here. After all, that's where all this zombie business started. Real zombies, the chemically induced kind not the undead kind, originated in Haiti. If I recall correctly, the neurotoxin from the puffer fish is administered to make a zombie. And if I also recall correctly, one can get nearly the same effect from a poisonous shrub related to the Angel's Trumpet plant which can be grown in Florida.

Now comes this story. Voodoo is being blamed. Yep. Uh-huh. Voodoo. Can I call it or what? LOL

And in related news, more cannibalism to be found up in Maryland.

Oh! Just found this one! The zombie's on!

So be careful out there folks. Lot's of crazy-assed people to contend with. If you aren't attacked by zombiefied cannibals then there's still lot's of walking biohazards out there according to the CDC. I recommend a haz-mat suit and some heavy artillery. Soooo...

...Nighty-night. Sleep tight. And don't let the zombies bite!

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Memorial Day Weekend

Ah yes, Memorial Day. The holiday in which we are supposed to honor all the poor, stupid bastards who died for nothing at the behest of vile, detestable politicians. No other holiday pisses me off more. I'm glad I never joined the military. I'm lucky that my parents wouldn't have it. I'm also glad that I'm old and wise enough to not buy into all the bullshit propaganda. If I want to dress in camo and shoot guns I don't have to sign my life and rights away to do so.

One bit of sad news, kinda. The USS Iowa is being decommissioned. When I was a wee, small child I remember going to see the Iowa when it was at Port Everglades. It was pretty cool. Hell, it was an antique when I saw it as a kid. It saw action in WW2 for Christ's sake. At least it's being turned into a museum and not being sold to the Chinese for scrap.

Anyway. In other news...never a dull moment in South Florida! Did you hear about the flesh eating zombie cannibal on the MacArthur Causeway? Just one more reason I love Miami soooooo much! /sarc

And last but not least, what better way to celebrate the honored dead than with the traditional barbecue! I made the best ribs evar this year. Slow cooked them in the oven and then grilled them with some steaks. I also had some delicious Greek salad with plenty of feta cheese and to mix things up a bit, I even made some sushi rolls! Yum! So good you'd think I could do it professionally.

Okay then. I'm going to finish my beer and call it a night. I hope you all's weekend was just as exciting!

Friday, May 25, 2012

Maybe I should change the name of this blog... Xul's Weird-ass Dream Blog.

I had another extreme doozy of a dream last night. So extreme that I'm not going to share the details. I'll just say that when someone in a dream tells me a specific piece of information, I usually go and do a web search to see exactly what it is.

In my dream last night, someone mentioned that they were reading The Kiss. Well, I've never heard of that. I'm not much of a reader other than what I read on the intertubes, so it's not very likely that I would have seen it at a library or book store so that it could get sent down the memory hole. I'd swear on a stack of Bibles that I have never heard of The Kiss.

So I searched it and found two books fitting that title: one about incest and the other one which was a short story by Anton Chekhov. In the context of my dream, the Chekhov story seemed to be the one being referenced. So I went and read it. It was only 20 pages. Like I said before, how the hell can I possibly have dreams where I'm given specific information that I've literally never heard of before? And how the hell can it be in the correct context? It's freakin' creepy.

And BTW, does anyone know of someone who uses the screen name "Sasquatch"?

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Another Weird Dream and Two Good Deeds

I had another weird one last night. I dreamt that I was coming out of Publix and I noticed that the shops across the street had been converted into a Home and Garden center. Then I went over there to go get a job from them. In typical dream fashion, there's no application and interview process; ya just go over there and now suddenly you work there. So the other people who worked there were being unhelpful the way most people are with new employees. I never did understand why peeps are like that. Why would you be unhelpful to a new employee and not let them know what their duties are on a job?

Anyway, so I remember that there was one of those big floor mats that businesses put at the entryway so people can wipe their wet feet on when they come in except it wasn't at the entry it was just in the middle of the floor. It looked like a new mat and the fabric was slick and when I stepped on it I slipped and busted my ass. So I'm laying there and suddenly my mother was there saying something about 'did I hurt my ankle.' No, I busted my ass! So I was laying there thinking, "This is just great. Get hurt on the very first day and I won't be able to collect unemployment because I just started here." Then I just got up because my ass didn't hurt any more and I felt just fine.

So then the other workers were moving some bins around and I asked one of them where I could get a jack so I could help and I was just ignored some more. Then I noticed that the bins were all arranged around in a sort of square shape and all the bins had green vegetables. All kinds of green vegetables. Then one dude, I guess he was a manager or something, said that they needed to consult someone with a degree in physics for...I don't remember what he said. Then I told him that I took physics in high school if that was any help but he just looked at me like I was some sort of a loony. And that's all I remember about that.

Now for the good deeds. I had to go to the post office and when I parked in the front, I noticed that there was an old dude in a motorized wheel chair on the walkway. People were just walking past him like he wasn't there. It was obvious that he was trying to get in the door but people here are such bastards that they wouldn't even get the door for the guy. So when I got out of my car, I went up to the guy and asked him if he wanted to go in. "Oh yes!" he said. So I opened the door and held it open from the inside until he got in. Then I asked him if he need to go into the full service area. Yes again. Then he said, "Thank you, miss!" He seemed shocked yet grateful that I was helping him. It's simply amazing how people treat the elderly so poorly.

Now good deed #2. I had to go to the store and when I was going through the checkout line, the girl was supposed to give me 3 cents change back but somehow had a brain fart or something and entered the wrong amount in the register and was giving me back $2.02. So I told her that I gave $20.25, just give me the 3 cents. She seemed utterly shocked that I was honest and didn't rip her off for $2. I guess I'm the last honest person in these parts. I had another cashier give me back $10 too much one time and I gave it back. He thanked me immensely because he could have gotten fired. He said that I was the only honest person he ever saw. That's a real shame, isn't it? Well, let's hope I've earned some good karma. I sure could use some good fortune.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Weird Dreams

I have the weirdest freakin' dreams. Last night I dreamt that I was riding in a rag top jeep with this blogger chick who lives in Italy. Only we weren't driving in Italy. Instead, we were driving in some tropical looking place on a beach with dunes and coconut palms and we were going to someones beach house for a party. We had to drive around some palms and were right up next to the surf when a HUGE wave comes crashing in and this crazy chick just drives head-long into this huge wave, crashing straight through. And as only in dreams, you can drive a jeep with the rag top rolled back STRAIGHT THROUGH a HUGE FREAKIN' WAVE and not get wet. Nope. Not one bit.

So we get to this party at the beach house(neighbors, I take it) and there was this really obnoxious couple there. I have no idea who they were, I just wanted to get away from them. And that's about all I remember about that dream.

Then the other night, I had dreamt of a very strange looking zeppelin. It was sort of a cross between steam punk and Howl's moving castle. A very mish-mashed amalgamation of different parts but somehow it managed to stay airborne. It was kinda cool though. I don't remember how or why or what the context of the dream was, only the zeppelin.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Bed Post ::wink, wink::

Okay then. Originally, the post before last was going to be about this article. I don't have much comment on that story. I currently have one of those awful things and I absolutely bloody well hated the thing at first because of the magnificent work of chemical and engineering art that I previously had.

My old bed, as the story goes, was a discard from a hotel. (I know, right?) I think this had to be back in the early '70's. It's a good thing my old peeps weren't germaphobes like most parents are these days. I swear to God, this bed was the most comfortable bed I have ever slept on in my whole life. It was legendary. Anyone who ever came to visit and sat on my bed always remarked, "OH MY GOD! This is THE MOST COMFORTABLE BED! The top mattress was only around 6 inches thick, but it was made from some sort of dense, super squishy yet very bouncy foam. The bottom piece was a box spring. Comfy and bouncy.

Eventually, after several decades of use, the fabric covering was frayed all to hell exposing the foam underneath, and the foam had become brittle enough to split completely from side to side. So my ever generous mother bought me one of those stupid memory foam things as a replacement, without consulting me first, of course.

I seriously hated the memory foam at first. I compared it to trying to sleep in the La Brea tar pit. You sorta sink into the damn thing and it's difficult to move around. The old bed was easy to move in. You could just give a bounce and a turn and voila! Repositioned! In the new thing, every movement was a struggle. And like that article says, the foam gets hot. My old foam mattress didn't get hot. It stayed nice and cool. If you live in a cold climate, I guess that might be a feature, but since I live in a fucking hot and humid swamp? Not so much.

I've gotten begrudgingly used to the memory foam thing. I tolerate it because I have no other choice, really. I can hardly wait until it wears out. I'm almost there. The thing is getting those valleys that beds get from where they give in to the weight of ones body.

Unfortunately, I don't think the foam like my old bed was made from is manufactured any more. A pity that. So it's very unlikely that I'll ever find a bed as comfy again.
OMG! After nosing around the intertubes for a bit, I think I just might have discovered what my old bed was made from! Latex! Looky here! After reading the description and the properties...that's it! that's it! I'm soooo excited I could do the happy dance! I canz buyz one!

Saturday, May 19, 2012

General Bitching

I really, really, really hate the weather here during the summer. I have no idea why people choose this insect infested, humid, hot as hell swamp as a vacation destination. It has been raining damn near every day since the month of May...Ha! There is no let up in sight. It will likely be raining until October. If I want to go outside, I need my dive mask, snorkel, and flippers. Looks like I'll be spending my summer indoors playing on the interwebs.

Right now I'm playing on the interwebs and drinking an Amstel Light. I am watching my figure so that you will watch my figure! LOL

My dad was right when he said that peeps from the old country came here and picked the place that most resembled where they left. I just checked the weatherbug and surprise, surprise! The old country has the same pissing down rain tonight! Except it's 20 degrees cooler over there. I'd rather have that.

Hey! Looks like I was right about it raining until October! Look at this graphic:

I think we are in for 'more than typical' this year. Weatherbug says there's already been 6.18" so far this May.

Friday, May 18, 2012

This made me LOL

When I was a kid, once in a while my much older sister would come to visit and spend the night. Her choice was either to sleep on the sofa or share the bed with me since I had a double. Sleeping in a bed with her was like sleeping with a very large octopus--with legs and arms flailing all over. I would usually end up pressed against the wall in the "uncharted territory" portion of the illustration. After a few times of that, she lost her "choice" and had to sleep on the sofa.

I'm almost as bad. No octopus impersonations but I like to sleep diagonally and yes, both pillows are mine! Mwa-hahahahaha!!!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

A sly manimal planted ideas in my head.

Since some peeps like to open cans of worms, I had a little look-see around the intertubes and found a couple things that were quite nice. Of course they'd have to be haute couture. I've expensive tastes but a low budget.

This Balmain asymmetrical is quite nice.

And these are Paco Rabanne. The one on the left isn't too bad.

And then there are the lower budget offerings here. Since I'm in a charitable mood at the moment, I'll warn that what is seen cannot be unseen. Eye bleach may be required!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

I Would Probably Say Yes

Did anyone see this? I saw it last week but I didn't get around to posting about it until today because I was busy with the Ferengi and my OUAT obsession. I think that is super cool! I want! And any dude willing to do that is very likely a keeper. I know that a hardcore sci-fi/fantasy geek like me would be highly impressed and more than likely smitten. I consider this a winning wooing technique(WWT). The only thing that would have been cooler is if the dude had retrieved the meteorite material himself like the way Terry Pratchett did for his sword.

The first time I saw that I knew that I needed one. I've personally seen two meteorites fall. One near the Everglades and one a few blocks from my house. Too bad I didn't see the actual impact spots or I would have retrieved those bad boys! I'm going to have to put "retrieve meteorite" on my bucket list so I can make it into something awesome. I guess a trip to Arizona or New Mexico is in my future.
I just re-read the article at the first link and noticed this:

"The little lady didn't want a chunky space ring, although a companion was offered."

WTF?!!!!! Seriously? Is she fucking crazy? That dude needs to find another "little lady" who would appreciate the awesomeness of a ring hand-forged from A FREAKIN' METEORITE! Sheesh.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Read 'em and weep, bitches!

Sooooo, the Great Xul must be psychic! Or at least a super sleuth, for the Great Xul is well versed in Encyclopedia Brown and Sherlock Holmes! I didn't see anyone else out there on the intertubes predict that Dragon Malificent was down in the subterranean part of Storybrooke! NO! Only the Great Xul! Mwa-hahahahahaha!!!!!

So they killed off Mal, then Henry, but brought him back and August/Pinocchio turned to wood. To which I say, HA-HA!

So now that the curse has been broken, presumably all the characters who previously had magic will be getting it back for season 2. I will be looking forward to them blasting the hell out of each other! I take it that Jefferson/The Mad Hatter will be nabbing his daughter and wormhole jumping with his hat the hell out of there and Rumple and Regina will be having some epic battles. Season 2 looks very promising.

Friday, May 11, 2012

OUAT Finale Predictions

Okay, I wasn't going to post this until after the season finale of OUAT but I just wanted to get some predictions down with a time stamp. I'm usually wrong when I try to make predictions but what the hell.

I feel pretty certain that the writers are going to do something to totally piss me off. They *did* say that people would be throwing things at the TV set by the end of the finale. I'm hoping they mean regular peeps and not us Regals! ;) They said that someone was going to die, then they hint around with August/Pinocchio turning back into wood and Henry taking a bite of the poisoned apple turnover but that's all too obvious just to throw everyone off of what they really plan to do. Perhaps they are going to kill off Regina? I would definitely be pissed about that! She did say that Emma would take Henry away from her over her dead body. Then on the preview teaser it looked as though Emma was going down an elevator into the subterranean Regina realm wielding a sword where it seemed there may have been a dragon? If I recall correctly, didn't Mal turn into a dragon in the original Disney Sleeping Beauty? So maybe Dragon Mal kills Emma and the curse ends transporting everyone back to Fairy Tale Land? That would be cool if they killed off Emma. I can't stand her character anyway. The writers *did* say they were taking season 2 in a whole different direction.

I know Mal and Belle were listed as being in the finale. Maybe Emma finds them down below.

It would be cool if they did more FTL stuff for season 2.

I just finished watching old ass Excalibur on Starz. Merlin said to Morgana that the only way she had magic and was able to keep herself young was because she stole magic from him. Maybe the writers will give a shout out to that. Maybe Cora or Regina got their magic because they stole it from Merlin?

I still say Cora is the Queen of Hearts. Cora's into "tea time" and "hearts" and is power hungry so it stands to reason.

I wonder if Regina got her baking skillz from mommy dearest? Remember the old rhyme The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, all on a summer's day...? Maybe they were apple tarts? LOL

Okay, I hope you are satisfied for a while with this post of my OUAT obsession. I have to see some Ferengi tomorrow about some stuff so I don't know when my next post will be. ^0^

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

The Darkness That Presses

While thinking about the poisoned apple sleeping curse that the Queen used on Snow White in OUAT, I've come to the conclusion that if it is anything like sleep paralysis, then it will totally suck for its intended victim. If you have ever experienced sleep paralysis then you know what I mean. If you have not experienced it, you are a very lucky bugger indeed. Let me describe my experiences for you.

The first time I ever had sleep paralysis it was one of the most terrifying things I had ever experienced. I had the sensation that there was something on my back, pressing me down, breathing on the back of my neck and near my ear, and I could not move at all, nor could I speak or scream for help, yet I was fully conscious but couldn't do a damn thing about it. I don't know how long the episode lasted, maybe a few seconds, but the moment I could once again move, I jumped up from my bed and flicked the lights on, scared out of my wits. I hadn't a clue as to what had happened. I'm not one who believes in ghosts or aliens or anything like that, but I knew damn well that I had a frightening experience. It felt like there had been a gollum-like creature on my back.

The second time I experienced it, maybe a few weeks or months later, I don't really remember, I was pissed off like hell and was screaming in my head for the thing to get the fuck off me and when I was finally able to move again I came up out of bed swinging with a spinning back-fist. It's a good thing no one was in the bed with me or else someone may have gotten knocked out!

Well, being skeptical by nature I eventually looked it up on the internet. From what I've read, 1) it usually happens to people who sleep on their backs. I sleep on my stomach. And 2) I was either attacked by a devil or had a neurological event that science can't really explain. Thbbbppp!!!!

So anyway, back to the poisoned apple sleeping curse. It's a very diabolically excellent curse if the victim is conscious yet entombed in his/her body because that sensation is completely terrifying and would suck big time for the victim, yes indeed! Good on the Queen for that one. Too bad we all know what the antidote is!

Monday, May 07, 2012

Don't ruin it for me.

Okay, I still like OUAT but the last episode? Seriously? You writers are taking a potentially great villain character and turning her into someone who does stupid, illogical shit.

You all need to listen to ol' Xully here, for I am well versed in the likes of Sun Tzu, Machiavelli, and The Great Vizzini. A great villain needs to be cool and calculating and not ruled by emotion. One can be motivated by an emotion but if one is to be a successful villain the emotions must be kept in check. Also, a good villain must be engineer-like with the analytical skillz. You want Snow to feel pain like you felt pain? Then know when to seize upon an opportunity. If you're the Queen, it's better to be feared than loved but you never want to be hated. You must do devious things but maintain plausible deniability. Now, having Regina turn the guillotine blade into water and splashing Charming instead of letting King George do the ol' off with his head thing was a funny sight gag, but a real villain would have let Georgie whack him, then Snow would be devastated and Regina would have gotten some karmic revenge with clean hands and the old bastard King George would be to blame. Yeah, I know. That would mean the end of the series and the whole point is to keep people coming back.

And the whole thing with the poison apple turnover? The writers should have just had Regina say to Emma, "Here, try some of this delicious apple turnover!" and then have Regina hold it out and offer it. Most people would just take the thing and have a taste. Then BAM! ya got her. Keep it simple. Eliminate the variables. Not let her leave the house with it so that now there is a possibility that she won't eat it. (Which is exactly what happened. Henry eats the damn thing to prove a point.) Yeah, I know, attack of the plot device once again.

Of course, if I had the Queen's magic, it would be the shortest revenge story evah! All those great options at my disposal: blasting things with fireballs, turning things to stone, magic mirror CCTV, telekinesis, traveling through wormholes with Jefferson, etc., etc., etc. But I'd still settle for just having the Queen's wardrobe!

It Was Twenty Years Ago Today

One of my Best. Birthdays. Evarrr.

Friday, May 04, 2012

Xul the Hero

Today, while going to Walmart, I saved an adorable baby duck very similar to this one

from being squashed to death by a ginormous semi truck. The poor little thing, it seems, managed to get separated from his mother and the rest of his siblings. It might've also been the last to hatch because there was a whole pile of empty, hatched eggs in the bushes by the road near where the little duckling was waddling out into the street.

I didn't give a crap who liked it or not, I was at the stop sign and the ducking waddled out into the intersection in front of my car and was seconds away from getting squashed so I got out of my car and scooped him up and took him several yards from the street into some grass. Amazingly, no one dared blow their damn horn at me. That's one for the record books around here. If someone did, they were going to get their ass told off...for I am the Great Xul, part-time villain and rescuer of helpless animals!

The Worst Thing I Ever Drank

Once upon a time, someone who I thought didn't hate me gave me this awful shit called Cisco. At the time, I didn't know how awful it was going to be, I just thought it was some cheap-ass convenience store wine cooler thing. The after effects, however, were very near to attempted murder.

Anyway, this person gave me this shit, and I had to take someone to a medical procedure the next morning so what the hell? Maybe this stuff will help me get to sleep. After all, it was only 12 ounces, the equivalent of two glasses of wine, so that shouldn't be a problem for me since I've polished off whole bottles of wine before. No big deal. So I forced down the whole thing, as awful tasting as it was and went to bed. I awakened a couple hours later having to pee like crazy except my body felt like it was half paralyzed. It was like the feeling you get when you sleep on your arm and it feels all heavy and you can't move it--except this was the feeling I had over my whole body.

I don't know how I managed to get to the bathroom. I guess I crawled/dragged myself there and I don't know how I managed to use the toilet. All I remember was lying on the floor feeling like I was going to puke or die. I didn't do either. I managed to crawl back to bed and get back to sleep. The next morning and all through the next day my head felt like it was swimming and I felt like I had been drugged.

Fast forward a couple years when I was visiting an old friend from school. The subject of the worst thing you ever drank came up and I mentioned my experience with this Cisco shit. My friend's husband knew exactly what I was talking about and had mentioned that it was rumored that there was more than just alcohol in Cisco. Being curious about it, I did a web search and found this article.

Now isn't this interesting:

Four years ago, a New York-based wine company met with U.S. Federal Trade Commission officials, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, and the U.S. Surgeon General. The subject was a fortified wine called Cisco that was posing serious health risks--particularly to teens.


"We called it the 'wine fooler,'" recalls former U.S. Surgeon General Antonia Novello. "It is more like a drug than a drink. It was really frightening, because they had packaged it to look very refreshing. Cool and refreshing and like a wine cooler."

Cisco's kick-- more powerful than fortified wines like Thunderbird--sometimes affected drinkers so adversely that they complained to authorities, fearing the effects were the result of product tampering.

That was exactly what I thought. Surely I was slipped a roofie(Rohypnol). And then:

Several health advocacy groups called for Canandaigua to stop selling the wine when several drinkers developed acute alcohol poisoning after drinking Cisco.
...a 100-pound person who drank a 375 ml (12 oz.) bottle of Cisco in less than an hour could die of alcohol poisoning; a 150-pound person would be legally drunk.

Go read the whole thing. Isn't that just beautiful? I was around 115 pounds at the time. I could have died of alcohol poisoning and the asshole who gave it to me thought it would be some kind of hilarious joke to do that. And the asshole also had the nerve to tell me that he told someone else that he gave that shit to me and their response was, "What the fuck, man? Are you trying to kill her?"

Yeah. I guess actually killing me would have been the most hilarious joke.

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

For Petrichor

Petrichor? That last story about being drunk off your ass on tequila, running down the road, and hitching a ride from an ice cream truck? Hilarious! I could totally see that as a scene from an indy film! This one's for you!

Tuesday, May 01, 2012


I was going to do a post on the magic of yerba mate but this pic that I found is just so darned busy that I just couldn't pass it up! Lot's of devilses and witches and goatses partying it up! The devil in the center doing the whole pyrokineses thing is pretty awesome. And the goat at the center appears to be getting a rim job. This looks like one hell of a party! I'm sure they had a really great cheese display with the goat cheese being quite fresh! Uh-oh, looks like the punch bowl is getting spiked! Might want to stay away from that!

So...anyone out there doing the traditional pagan blessings of the crops for brewing the beerses and wineses and the dances around the phallic poleses, and the other naughty rites of Spring fever?