N's will never acknowledge their own culpability(stupid bullshit that my mother started with me today)

Today my mother comes bursting into my bedroom all in a rage accusing me of throwing away the dossier (not her word) that she keeps on her stupid ex-bf.  Number one, I had no idea she kept that in the bottom drawer of the armoire that is used for storing baking pans and other odds and ends.  The only thing I knew that she kept in that drawer was paperwork for the dogs' vaccines and tags and such.

I mean, come on!  Who the fuck keeps a dossier on someone that you haven't lived with for going on 8 years?  That's fucking psycho behavior right there. (She's always obsessing on this guy.  She thinks in her demented mind that he keeps in contact with the neighbor across the street so that he can keep tabs on *her*.  [Projecting much?])  The reality is the guy left and went hundreds of miles away to get the fuck away from her crazy ass.  I doubt that he even gives a shit what she is doing.  He probably only regrets getting involved with her in the first place.

She has memory issues from time to time, but instead of acknowledging that, she immediately has to blame me for whatever it is she can't find.  It's not because she can't remember where she put it, or she didn't look in the right folder...NO!!!  It's because *I*  THREW IT AWAY  to SPITE!!! her!!!  Also, she couldn't organize anything to save her life.  Her desk looks like it should be on Hoarders--it's *that* messy and piled with shit.  It's not too difficult to imagine why she can't find anything.

Number one, I couldn't give a shit about her stupid dossier.  Number two, I had no clue she even kept it there or what was in the folder(see #1).  Number three, why would I deliberately throw anything of hers away when I know that she will go full-on psycho if she thinks/knows that I threw her stupid shit away? 

Why would I want to create stupid drama that I now have to deal with?  How many times have I said before that I hate drama?  I just want to live my life and be left alone.  I am not some fucking psycho who gets off on throwing her shit away to get a reaction out of her.  NO!  I don't want any reactions out of her AT ALL!  I HATE dealing with her bullshit!!! Why would I want to do something that results in her stupid bullshit?  

It's all so demented.  She's demented and she likes to project her ridiculous demented bullshit on me.  Why?  Because Narcissists will never acknowledge their own culpability!!!

Sound Advice

That's right, Don, you tell 'em!  Even though your character is a womanizing alcoholic, you're still a sexy, sexy man in my book!

I've seen worse

I'm sooo hot that I need this jug of coolant!

At least he doesn't have "corduroy ass".  

Where does he keep his wallet?  ;P

Lawn Maintenance and *Lawn* Maintenance

After neglecting a few things around the yard for several weeks due to either massive downpours or extreme heat, I finally made it out there yesterday to trim up several hedges that had grown out of control.  It was hot, but not as hot or humid as it had been lately.

Because of Arekino's admonishments, I've been taking measures to "protect" myself.  I guess I should be more concerned for my own safety.  ;)  One of the safety measures I've adopted is to wear pants and closed-in shoes whenever I go out to work in the yard while using power tools.  Arekino doesn't like it when I wear shorts and flip-flops.  ;D  Of course it makes it all much hotter for me, but then again, I don't get my legs and feet all cut and scraped up from various plants and the mosquitoes can't bite through my fatigue pants.  And another positive is that I don't have to spray insect repellant all over my legs.  :)

So I dragged out the ladder and electric hedge trimmer and did battle with the hedges for two hours.  When I was almost finished, my neighbor across the street shouted, "Only you!" to me, meaning that I'm the only one around here who can get hedges to look like so much perfection.  (He has made such comments to me before.)

I am truly an artiste!

As I was working on the last bit out near the sidewalk and the next-door neighbor's property, I made a most unpleasant discovery--some nasty bastard had taken a massive shit into a KFC wrapper and left it on the sidewalk near the end of the hedge.  This isn't the first time this dirty fucker has done this in and around my yard.  One time the bastard shit IN MY YARD IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE and left the towel that he/she used to wipe his/her ass.  Another time this filthy individual shit next to the sidewalk in the easement IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE.  And it's always a massive fucking dump like a damn horse or elephant would do.  The two previous times I was forced to dispose of it.  This time, since it was far away from the front of my house, I just left it.  It can sit there from now until the end of time.  Although I *would* love to know who keeps doing this and why they always have to do it in front of or near my house.  I swear I'd follow them to wherever they live and deposit their huge pile of shit where it rightfully belongs.  Fucking dirty fucker!

Anyway, back to the hedges.  I was thinking that it would be a hoot to start trimming the various bushes and hedges into more "creative" shapes.  Kinda like Edward Scissorhands except with me it would be rude shapes and figures!  LOL  I'd probably do some nice phallic shapes or tits or rude hand gestures.  It would be fun to go full-on eccentric!  Maybe get one of those weird Van De Gaard statues to put out front.  Then peeps would think that I'm a Satanist or something.  I bet *THAT* would keep the Jehovah's Witnesses away!

Admiring my work

I find hedge sculpting quite relaxing for the most part in spite of the heat and humidity and random piles of shit.  It's like an active meditation.  And still having perfectionist tendencies, my finished product always looks amazing and fabulous.  :D

Now...to the *other* "lawn" maintenance!

I was wondering if that No! No! hair remover thingy actually works.  Because having either Neanderthals or Sasquatches in the wood pile down through the generations, I'm a bit swarthier than most with Northern European heritage.  It gets to be a real chore with all the plucking, shaving, waxing and trimming.  It would save a lot of time and hassle if a little device really could just zap those pesky hair follicles and prevent them from growing back.  Any testimonials?
*
*
*
I'm having to close comments on this post.  To all the guild trolls, the pics up there are tongue-in-cheek, not actual pics of my yard.  To all the spammers:  Bugger off!

The much anticipated movie review post

As I previously stated before in comments on a previous post, I had free HBO, Cinemax, and Starz channels last weekend.  Surprisingly, I also have free Epix channels previews this weekend.  Lots of freebies.  How generous.  Anyway, I held off doing the movie review post until I was in the mood, then I had free previews this weekend and intended to hold off a bit longer, but the stuff on Epix is either crap or movies that I've already seen before and don't intend to watch again.

Okay then!  Let's get on with it, shall we?

Last week I watched Prometheus, Dark Shadows, Looper, The Amazing Spider-Man, Trouble with the Curve, and Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows.  I attempted to watch Magic Mike and Moonrise Kingdom.  I only got through 30 minutes of the former and 15 of the latter before going

Seriously, who the hell liked Magic Mike?  That movie was shit.  First of all, I can't stand Channing Tatum.  I hate his name(who the hell names someone that?) and the guy can't act worth a shit.  I have to think that he either blew the right person or took it up the ass(a lot) too for someone to be giving this no talent *any* roles whatsoever.  And the guy is ugly and mumbles or slurs all his lines.  He reminds me of some big dumb sleazy jock.  So, actually, he didn't have to "act" much for that role.  It was a shit movie and just sleazy and gross.

Moonrise Kingdom was such crap from the very beginning that I wasn't going to suffer through the whole thing so I flipped it off shortly after it began.  Both of these garbage movies got three stars in the program guide.  WTF, people?

Now on to Prometheus.  I promised myself that I would give it a chance and try to forget any negative reviews that I had read or heard.  I came into it withholding judgement.  The movie was a mess.  You'd think that if you go and travel alllll this way to a distant planet to find the origin of life on Earth and you actually *find* what you came for...you'd think that peeps would be a little happier about it or a little more surprised or have some greater emotional reaction to it all.  Sigh.  It was just so disjointed feeling.  There *were* actually parts that were pretty good.  I liked the scenes with the android dude.  And the fact that he messed with shit and that he was the one that actually "made" the terrifying aliens from the first several movies(Noomi Rapace's character was impregnated by her infected husband making the aliens a hybrid with human DNA) was an interesting twist.  It's just that the rest of the cast was annoying as hell.  It was poorly conceived and poorly directed IMO.  It had loads of potential and could have been quite good with a different cast and director.  It just made me all

Looper and Trouble with the Curve were kinda boring and I don't recommend them.  They weren't total crap so much as they were just meh.  Dark Shadows I actually liked.  I read all sorts of negative reviews but I thought it was quite entertaining and funny.  Likewise with the Sherlock Holmes one.  It was very entertaining(and hey! Noomi Rapace was in that one, too!).  Stephen Fry was in it as well and I think he's a hoot.  And lastly, the movie that I was very surprised about:  The Amazing Spider-Man.  It was very entertaining, well acted, well written, looked fabulous, and didn't suffer from too much CGI abuse.  Only toward the end with the lizard creature did it get a little shady, but all-in-all it was a really good movie and I highly recommend it.  That's saying a lot as I am not really a fan of super hero movies.  (Case in point:  Marvel's The Avengers was on the other night and I just could not take it.  I can't stand Samuel L. Jackson(another one who can't speak his lines without slurring [and thinks he's hot shit]) and there was just too much crappy looking CGI effects.  I couldn't take it and shut it off after a few minutes.

So there's your movie reviews.  Thank you, drive though.

Critters love my back yard

I was supposed to post this last night but I got distracted with reading some posts on the PD forum.  Oh well.

Yesterday, when I let the dog go out back to do his business, there was a beautiful oriole in the tree about four meters from where I was standing.  I decided to run back into the house to grab my camera.  Of course, by the time I got back, the oriole had flown away.  There was also a white butterfly that I wanted to get a pic of, but that little bastard was too quick and wouldn't land on anything.  Bummer!

As I went to set my camera down on one of the patio chairs by the edge of the patio, a very long Everglades racer snake tore-ass into the sansevieria. (I just looked up the spelling for 'sansevieria' and it says it is also known as a 'snake plant'.  Oy!  No wonder the snakes love going in there! LOL) The thing was no more than half a meter in front of me and I never saw it until it moved.  Damn snakes always nearly give me a heart attack!

There was also a beautiful Giant Swallowtail butterfly buzzing the red flowers on that shrub thingy by the fence along with some of the regulars--those zebra striped ones.  I didn't bother getting a pic of any of them.  I figured it would just be easier to get some pics off the intertoobs.

The oriole was back again today except in my neighbor's tree this time.  I got a better look at it and determined that it is a Bullock's oriole and not a Baltimore oriole.

Here's yer pics off da innertoobs:

PB & J and other American things

Oh, Arekino...you made me smirk with that! And it got me to thinking about all the types of jellies and jams and combinations in which to eat them. You are correct. PB & J is a very American thing. I think the most common type of jelly to eat with peanut butter is grape jelly. However, I do not like grape jelly. I prefer strawberry jam or orange marmalade to go with the peanut butter on my PB & J! And it's whole wheat bread for me. I can't stand that horrible white stuff.  Peanut butter and banana a la Elvis isn't bad, either.  And then there's the fried eggs and bacon on toasted whole wheat bread with either mayo or ketchup(I prefer mayo) which is quite yummy-noms.  Also, I mustn't forget the delicious Monte Cristo sandwich!

Another thing that is very American is English muffins despite the name. They should more accurately be described as American crumpets, although they are not *quite* like crumpets. They *are* delicious, none-the-less. I like mine toasted with lots of butter. Sometimes I like them toasted with lots of butter *and* strawberry jam. They are also quite good with with guava jam(this is probably a 'Xul is from Florida' thing).

And one of my favorite things to do with an English muffin is to make Eggs Benedict--another combination of misnomers that is also very yummy! Ya got yer combo of poached egg, "Canadian" bacon(ham), and Hollandaise sause on an "English" muffin.

I know I promissed a movie review but I'll get to that a bit later when I have the time to bang it out. And maybe a story about those crazy Germans at the beach!

Crepes

The other night I had a craving for crepes.  I had a recipe for Crepes Suzette but I wasn't going to go through all of that.  All I needed was to know what ingredients I needed for the thin pancake portion of the recipe.  I went ahead and halved the recipe for my trial run as I didn't want to make a shit-ton in case it didn't turn out well.

As I am practically a professional omelet maker, I should not have been concerned about how they would turn out.  They turned out flippin' ace and they were not at all difficult to make!  I sauteed some finely diced onion and spinach in a little garlic butter for the filling and improvised a creme sauce.  Deee-licious!

I even made a few for my mother the next day and she liked them so much that she insisted that I make a full batch more.  So I did!  And since I had several pounds of strawberries in the fridge I went ahead and made some dessert crepes with strawberry and whipped cream filling.  Also deee-licious!

Two Critters and a Pineapple

Here are some pics as promised.  It finally stopped raining long enough and I had an opportunity to go out and look for something to get a shot of.  The first is of one of the Golden Silk spiders that have built enormous webs in the front of my house.  There are four of them--two big and two small.  I tried to get a shot of the group but the light wasn't too good and then it started sprinkling so I just settled for the close-up of the biggest spider.

Next we have one of the common striped butterflies that are so numerous in my yard.  I wanted desperately to get a shot of them yesterday as I was out mowing.  There were perhaps eight of them and one solid white one all flying around this shrub with the red flowers.  Red seems to be the favorite color of butterflies.  Then, later on when I was mowing in the very back of the yard, there were at least a dozen of these guys flying around the bougainvillea.

And lastly is one of the pineapples that I have growing out back.  This is the largest of three.  The home grown ones don't seem to get as big as the store bought ones but they are very juicy and have a bit of a pina colada flavor to them.  My pineapples have always tasted this way.  I heard a story not too long ago about some scientists in Australia "developing" a pineapple that tasted of pina colada.  Sorry fellas, mine have tasted like that for many years!  You are not the first!

"Baking" Experiment and Ragging on Hollywood

Because my mother "knows" so much, and because I like to prove that she doesn't know as much as she thinks she knows, I did a little experiment last night.  We have a small jar of active dry yeast that is just slightly past its "best by" date.  She claimed that it is expired and was no longer any good because when I made pizza the other night, the dough didn't rise.  I said this was because I got the water too hot.  She said it was because the yeast was no good.

Well, to prove one way or the other, I warmed a bit of water in the microwave.  I tested it with my finger to make sure it wasn't too hot.  I added a bit of sugar and some yeast.  Then I had to go to the store for some things.  When I got back, lo and behold!  the yeast had frothed, proving that it was still good.  So not wanting to waste it,  I made a little bit of dough(after my mother went to bed, of course!).  I was a bit lazy as it was late and didn't want to unload all the crap out of the oven and wait for it to heat up and wait for the bread to bake so I got to wondering if I could "bake" the bread in the microwave.

I consulted the internet and there was a post that said that it was possible although it would not get brown, but to set the microwave to 40% power.  It didn't say for how long so I just had to guess.  I set my microwave to 50% power and the time for 5 minutes.  After about 30 seconds, the bread started puffing up to about double its original size.  When it started to smell like baking bread, I stopped the microwave.  I think it was almost in there for 4 minutes.  It didn't look very appetizing as it wasn't brown, but it was soft and had the texture of Little Caesar's Crazy Bread.  So I made my own version of Crazy Bread and sprinkled it with olive oil, a little garlic powder, and some Parmesan cheese.  It wasn't too bad!

Now, for the other thing!  When I was scanning the program guide for something to watch last night, there wasn't anything good, so I ended up watching a program called Nothing But Trailers.  It was all movie trailers for current movies.  And I know that I'm beginning to sound like a broken record with my complaints, but if Hollywood would just come up with something original and stop making the same redundant crap then I wouldn't be complaining!

It's always the same old crap, though.  Sequels, superhero movies, remakes, stupid sci-fi and disaster movies, and gawd awful teen romance movies.  Blech!  There was the new Superman movie, which didn't actually look that bad and was probably the best of the lot, and then a lot of other unoriginal crap.  There is a Carrie remake with Julianne Moore and that chick from Let Me In, some awful looking movie called The Conjuring which looked to me like a ripoff of Amityville, a Lone Ranger movie of all things with Johnny Depp as Tonto which looked incredibly bad and totally groan-worthy, a movie called Pacific Rim which is the new Del Toro one but looks like a ripoff of the old Voltron cartoon, some crap sci-fi with Jodie Foster called Elysium IIRC, World War Z with Brad Pitt which looked incredibly stupid, and some awful teen romance/demon slayer flick called The Mortal Instruments with the guy who played King Arthur from the Camelot series and the chick who plays Cersei on Game of Thrones.

Like I said, it all looked like crap except for Superman.  Nothing particularly original for any of them.  Hollywood has become so unoriginal that I can't recall the last time I actually paid to go see a movie in a theater.  That and people are complete douches since the advent of cell phones and cannot leave them the fuck alone long enough to watch a movie.  I can't stand being around people in theaters any more with their constantly playing with their smartphones or texting or just fooling around and making noise.  It's all very distracting and makes for a most unpleasant experience.
*
*
*
And because my mother is a total cunt, she *insisted* on going to the Walmart out in Miami Lakes to look for a pair of reading glasses tonight, even when it is late and she has to go out there next Tuesday.  I knew it was going to be a terrible experience just by the fact that it was after 8pm and there is nothing keeping her from taking her sweet-ass time about it. Three fucking hours in there!  And the worst part, she had to embarrass me in front of people. 

She is fucking impossible to shop with.  She'll say, 'Oh!  Let's go look at such and such!' and then when you go to walk there thinking that she is just behind you, she is nowhere to be found, because she gets distracted from point A to point B and is lost somewhere along the way and then you have to backtrack to find her.  This happens the whole time while you're there. 

So one of these times, I had to backtrack because she got distracted by some men's sandals.  She calls me back and asks me if I like them.  I say no, they are men's.  Then she has to say in a very loud voice in front of people, "Oh, but you wear men's underwear!"  Ex-fucking-scuse me?!?  I do NOT wear men's fucking underwear!!!  I was so appalled and mortified that I was on the verge of dropping trou to show off my string bikini NOT MEN'S underwear.  I swear, I don't know where she comes up with the shit that she says.

I really wanted to not have to complain about her for at least one post, but she aggravates me so bad that it is almost impossible.  I have to vent or I'll go mental.  Aaaaarrrrgh!!!!!

Good question

Why the heck did they ever get married in the first place?

This question got me to thinking.  My parents didn't have a wedding.  They got married at a Justice of the Peace.  There was no honeymoon if I recall correctly.  They didn't even have any "wedding" pictures of them displayed in the house.  Hell, I don't think they had *any* kind of picture of themselves displayed in a frame in the house.  I have friends who didn't spend money to have a big wedding, but at least they went to a photographer to have "wedding" pictures taken of themselves as a couple.  Even when I go into clients' houses, there are always pictures displayed if the client has a spouse or significant other.

This is a pretty good indicator to me that my parents weren't in love with each other.  I can't imagine being married to someone I don't love.  It's just so wrong on so many levels.  I think of myself as a very affectionate person(even if I have Northern European DNA ;P ) and very romantic, and if I was to marry someone I'd want to stay as spicy as possible for the duration.  I just can't imagine being any other way.  To live with someone I don't like just seems so counter intuitive to me.

Why my parents thought it would be a good idea to have a kid (me) is beyond me.  It seems so selfish and narcissistic.  They obviously weren't thinking how it would affect me.

Depressing things that I journaled

I was reading some posts over at a PD website that I like.  It got me to thinking and then to "journaling".  I would have never journaled before the invention of the internet.  My mother is the nosiest person I've ever known.  A regular paper journal she wouldn't even give a second thought about *not* reading it.  Hell, she read most of the things that my sister had journaled as we were cleaning out her apartment after she died. Letting a PD'd person get an insight into your personal thoughts is probably the worst thing that can ever happen, for then they have an endless source of ammunition to use against you.  It's like giving them the keys to your kingdom.  Anyway, one thing that I have going for me is that my mother is a complete technology-phobe.  She has no clue as to how to use a computer, let alone get on the internet.  And my blog is under a pen name and has a password that only I know.

The following is a post that I identified with and then following that is some of the thoughts that I journaled.

"My parents were always so uncomfortable to be around that you could cut the tension in the room with a knife, even at innocent holiday gatherings. They're always going at it with each other arguing and correcting each other over the silliest and pettiest of things, all the while oblivious as to how it impacts others in the room. FOO were conditioned to just carry on as usual as if nothing ever happened. How it impacted the mood and tone in the room would make my skin crawl, yet we were expected/conditioned to pretend all is rosey and bright."

This is so much like my parents. Always arguing over petty things. There was also no nurturing, only barking out orders.  I wish I had a mother who was kind and nurturing and taught me how to do things in a caring way and didn't act like she was being put-upon if she ever had to show me how to do something or do some normal thing with me.  My father was completely socially inept.  He had no clue how to behave in any given social situation.  It was so embarrassing.  He'd just stand there with a silly grin and a blank look on his face.  It was so obvious that he had no clue.  He also was totally oblivious to the fact that exploding and raging at my mother in public was a social faux pas.  That was completely irrelevant.  Only getting tit-for-tat mattered.  These people were painful as parents.

I remember one time at Disney World--it might have been the first time they ever took me--I was sooo happy to be there that I couldn't stop smiling.  Until we actually got into the park and my parents had to immediately ruin my happiness.  They had gotten a map of the park and were standing there for what felt like forever trying to decide a "game plan" (i.e. arguing/making a scene) of how they were going to go through the park.  That's so typical of them--- they just can't do anything spontaneously.  Can't just explore and have fun without the damn map.  Everything has to be micromanaged--even fun.  So I made a comment to "come on"(let's just get on with it!) because I wanted to just go and have fun.  Well, they snapped at me over that, thus ending the initial happiness that I had had.  They completely miss the point of Disney World.  You are supposed to go there to have fun--so your child can have fun--not be miserable douches and ruin it for you child.
*
*
I sometimes feel like my life is worse than death; it's like a living death.  It's hell.  My parents have both stolen my life and destroyed it.  I can never get back what is already gone.  And my mother will probably live another 20 years just to spite me so that I will be so old by the time that I am free of her that whatever time I have left, I will not be able to enjoy it because I will be too old to do the things that I enjoy or want to enjoy.  One of the things that she has started to say to me from time to time is, "Oh, you can't wait until I'm gone!  It's so obvious the way you treat me!"  Gee, what could have clued you in?  And the way I treat you?  What about the way you treat me?  Projecting much?  This proves to me that she knows that her behavior is wrong and that she knows that it is hurtful and detrimental to me.  So why keep doing things that make another person hate you?  Are you that dedicated to "control at all costs"?

I am utterly trapped and in a no win situation.

On the work situation:  if I was to go looking for work on my own, then I'm being "secretive"  and "never discuss anything with her first".  If I *do* mention a potential job, then it is poo-pooed and a million different reasons given as to why I can't work there.  No win situation.
*
*
I just read a post at the PD forum written by a regular.  She, like me, had never wanted to have children for fear of ruining her children's lives the same way her mother ruined her life. [My mother also put a fear of childbirth into me at an early age which made me think that getting pregnant was the worse thing that could ever happen in the history of the world. And let me not forget that all men are no-good monstrous SOB's who only "want to *fuck* you and then *fuck you!*" and will leave you stuck having to raise a child on your own.]  Her husband never wanted to have children, either.  Now, they are having second thoughts and reconsidering the possibility of having a child.  She is a bit older than me(by 3 years) and was asking around about the difficulties or complications of having a child at that age.  Well, that really got me bummed out.  I've had these thoughts myself--of reconsidering my stance on having kids.  At least she has a husband and a career and they are well-off IIRC(and doesn't live with her mother).  She's already four steps ahead of me there.  I don't think I'll ever get that opportunity.  If I do, I'll be too old.  I just want to cry.  My life is so intolerable at this point.