That Horrible Swamp

I just can't stop thinking about the last episode of Naked and Afraid where the pair had to survive for 21 days in a snake infested Louisiana swamp.  I just can't get the images of all those damn water moccasins swimming through the water and hiding under brush out of my head.  It gives me the crawling-creeps!  So, soooo many snakes.  Brrrrrrr......

Snakes are bad enough, but those highly venomous water moccasins?  It's enough to do permanent psychological damage.  Even worse, they actually *ate* one.  So gross.  They ate a big fat nutria, too. (Nutrias are big rodents which look a little like a beaver but with a rat tail.)  It's all enough to give me PTSD and I didn't even have to endure it--just watching the show was bad enough.

Anyway, this was supposed to be a post about my interest in survival programs.  I've always fancied myself to be a clever sort and I've often wondered how well I'd fair on one of these survival type programs.  The Naked and Afraid program is way too extreme for my tastes.  It's completely insane, actually.  But a program like one of those PBS shows where they had a bunch of peeps spend a few months living like pioneers of that one in the UK where the peeps lived in a Bronze Age type setting I wouldn't mind trying.

I've even thought of having a show of my own creation where instead of it being like Survivor where the peeps are deceitful and back-stab each other, I'd have a show where you have teams compete with the criteria of success being how well the teams worked together, how well they built shelters, hunted/provided food, etc.  I'm sure there would still be fussing and grousing as humans are so good at doing, so there would be some drama in that.

I had planned on writing this post last night, but I got a *little* distracted with looking up things which pertained to survival techniques for Florida.  We have a unique environment here.  Most of the things that were mentioned I already knew.  There are lots of things to eat if you know where to look and what is edible.  Cattails, for instance, are very good as a survival food.  Hearts-of-palm from the cabbage palm is good, too, but probably too much work to get to and not really worth it.  And if you are near the coast, there is the ubiquitous coconut.  There are some little tricks to know when it comes to those.  Any good native like myself should know them.  ;P  And there are critters everywhere that one could eat in a pinch.  It's just that most of them I would not want to eat!

So let's give a big Hurrah!  for modern technology and food production!  Because as much fun as it is talking about survival techniques and situations, it really sucks to be stuck in one!  And BTW, just theoretically speaking...if I was on Naked and Afraid, I'd want a Spetsnaz type machete as my survival item.  Just sayin'.

A little Muay Thai, a little MMA

I got to see lots of fighting this weekend--Lion Fights 10 on Friday and some UFC today.  The Lion Fights promotion has been pretty good.  They get some pretty big names like Yodsanklai Fairtex and Malaipet who are very well known in Thailand and bring truckloads of experience to the ring.  Those guys had some very entertaining fights.  Also, they had Tiffany Van Soest on the card.  I really like her.  She has some pretty exciting high energy fights.  This one was no exception.  She KO'd her opponent in the first round with some nasty punches and elbows.

The UFC prelims proved to be more entertaining than the main card as usual.  There was a pretty good chick fight between a Dutch woman and an American.  The Dutch woman fought with more of a Muay Thai style and threw some wicked knee strikes.  She won by decision.  There was another chick fight on the main card--Liz Carmouche versus some Brazilian.  Carmouche mounted that chick in the second round and then pounded her head in with punches and elbows for several minutes until the ref stepped in and stopped the fight.  That match was great!  The other match that was good was the one with Robbie Lawler.  I forget who he fought but he knocked the guy out.

Anyway, watching Muay Thai always reminds me that MMA would be more exciting if the fighters would utilize more Muay Thai techniques such as elbow strikes and kicks to the outside thigh(to the sciatic nerve).  Inside thigh strikes will work, too!  :D  One of the greatest things to see in a fight is to see a fighter chop the legs out from under his opponent with hard kicks to the thighs.  Thai style leg kicks are absolutely brutal.

The other thing I would like to see more of is the liver kick.  I love seeing fighters KO'd by liver kick!  Especially a la Bas Rutten who was a beast back in the day.  I'd hate to take a liver kick from him!  He could also knock you out by palm strike(which looked a lot like a bitch slap LOL).

Great idea for a horror story

I was thinking about why my family acts like an old school traditional Chinese family.  I don't believe in reincarnation so that explanation is right out.  Maybe we are possessed by Chinese demons?  Hey!  That's an idea!  And *plausible*. 

I shall explain. 

Remember the old series Friday the 13th where the peeps ran an old curio shop and sold cursed items?  Well, what if I just happen to have in my *possession* (Puns here!  Get your puns here!) a genuine cursed Chinese object?  Maybe a few, actually!

In my mother's *China* cabinet are a few very old items from China.  There are some small figurines carved from real ivory and there is a hand-carved double-vase thingy.  I'm not sure what it is called but the only time I've ever seen anything like it was at the old Graves' Museum.  It was on loan from a private collector.  It would be cool if it was some sort of funerary item then we'd have a really good spooky story here!  :D

We have all been possessed by the restless spirits that used to reside in the cursed funerary object. That is why my parents are harsh and believe in parental deity and why I'm so good at cooking Chinese food, why I like Chinese martial arts, Sun Tsu, jade, dragons, and those beautiful silk Chinese dresses!  ;P

Venting

Just so you can get a feel of the kind of crazy-making bullshit that I have to endure on a daily basis, I'm going to write about some of the insane "conversations" I've had with my mother in the past couple of weeks.  This might turn into a series because if I put them all together it's going to be disjointed and hard to read.

The Fish Convo

I don't know how she got on the subject of fish tanks, but that's what the conversation turned to.  I mentioned that I didn't care for fish tanks because it seems cruel to the fish to be confined to such a small little place for their whole lives.  My mother then tells me that the *real* reason I don't like fish tanks is because I'm lazy and don't want to have the responsibility of taking care of a fish tank. (That is only partly true in a way.  Why would I want the responsibility of taking care of something that I don't want and that I don't enjoy?) Then she starts in about how we used to have a fish tank and I, Xul, *never once* made any attempt to help out with it.  That it was *all left up to her* and I *never once* helped.  I reminded her that when we had a fish tank, I was like 4 or 5 years old.  Was it really the responsibility of a 4 or 5 year old to take care of a fish tank?  I don't think I was even tall enough to *reach* the fish tank, let alone clean it or feed the fish. I don't even think she wanted me to go near the thing, IIRC. And besides, don't you think that is a bit much of a responsibility for a small child?

Her whole problem is that in reality, the fish tank was just something to provide narcissistic supply.  It was a possession that she could brag about having and some thing that she could impress people with and make herself feel special that she has a fish tank and others do not.  Of course, then she gets resentful that the thing that she has to make herself feel special is also something that she actually has to spend time taking care of.  That part isn't very fun and she resents it.  How unfair to her-- being the special person that she is--that she would have to take care of the fish tank.  I mean, seriously?  You're pissed that I, as a small child, didn't take care of something that you made the choice of having?  And you're resentful of me for that?  :::sigh:::

Another Fish Story

The above story reminded me of something that happened when I was very young.  I was dragged by my mother(As was always the case---I felt like an accessory like her purse or something, not like an actual human whose feelings and desires were taken into consideration.  I was just something that just happened to be there.) to the pet shop to buy some fish for the tank.  I guess to replace some that had died.  We got the fish and the employee put the fish in a long clear plastic bag.  My mother let me carry it.   Now, you have to take into consideration that what I did wasn't out of malice or cruelty, I was 4 or 5 years old for Christ's sake.  I was looking at the fish in the bag and sort of playing with them   Since it was a long bag, if I raised one side up higher than the other, then the fish went to one side and then tried to swim back up.  I liked watching them swim up so I kept raising one side of the bag then the other.  I was just amusing myself, I didn't mean any harm. 

Well, my mother saw what I was doing and laid into me.  "What are you trying to do?  Kill the fish that I just bought?"  She just let me have it and kept accusing me of trying to kill the fish, that I'm being deliberately cruel, etc.   :::sigh:::

The Asshole Teacher Convo

This is another "conversation" that happened less than a week ago.  I don't know how she got on the subject, but the subject of teachers came up.  She was complaining about some bitch of a teacher named Mrs. Monroe that she had when she was in school.  According to my mother, this bitchy teacher had a grudge against her and always singled my mother out for humiliation.  I think I made the comment that if you don't like kids then you shouldn't be a teacher.  I mentioned something about my favorite teacher was my 3rd grade teacher Mrs. W who was a very kind person and obviously loved kids and could get us kids to do anything without fuss and she never had to yell or punish us.  She just had a wonderful way with children.  (She was my favorite because she was an encourager and never mean or critical.  She made me feel good about myself and encouraged my drawing and creative talent.  She knew how to bring out the best in children---the conplete opposite of my mother.) 

Then somehow, the subject of my least favorite teacher, my 1st grade teacher Mrs. B, came up.  She was a very strict, rigid, and harsh person. (She was of German heritage--I like to think of her as a Nazi.) Then I related the story of the time I got paddled by her for no good reason. (It was a private school and they believed in corporal punishment.)

We were doing an assignment in class and she apparently told the class to put it away.  Well, I'm the sort of person who can get very engrossed with what I'm doing and just tune out everything else.  I was still doing the assignment when the bitch snapped at me.  She accused me of willfully and deliberately being disobedient. (This was so much bullshit.  I was a very shy child and very submissive to adults.  I was too afraid of adults/teachers to be deliberately defiant.)  She ordered me out into the hallway and then told the supervisor who had a little office just outside our classroom.  They both were mad as hornets and then the teacher paddled me.  I was never so humiliated.  All the kids knew what was happening and then I had to go back into class while bawling my eyes out and have all the other kids staring at me, some with pity and others with shocked looks.  It was all so unjust and humiliating.

As I was telling the story to my mother, I got overcome with emotion because it was such a traumatizing and unjust thing that I went through.  In typical fashion, my mother cannot have any sympathy or empathy for me.  She cannot validate my feelings and tell me that what happened wasn't right.  NO!!!  She has to mock me and tell me that I have mental problems to be crying and upset over something that happened when I was 6 years old.  I got indignant at that and told her that she has no empathy or compassion at which she replied, "Ha!  You're full of shit!  I'm *the most* empathetic and compassionate!"   Riiiiight.  You just keep proving it, don't ya?
*
*
*
Just had an epiphany in the shower(where all my best thinking is done and where epiphanies occur), maybe all my suffering will someday serve a greater good.  Maybe I will someday write self help books dealing with NPD and help many people and make myself oodles of moolah?  Maybe it's just wishful thinking.

Somewhat related:  I really wish I had a device that could read my thoughts while I'm in the shower and put them down for blog posts.  I really do think of the best blog posts while I'm in the shower!  ;P

I'm actually feeling a little better ATM.  I think writing this shit out is somewhat cathartic for me.

Seems like a good idea

How the big blow-up started

(If you have not read my last comment on the last post go read it now.  That will get you caught up before reading this post.  I really had intended to write something fun today, but with my mother that is a near impossibility.)

Yesterday(Monday), I had to take my mother for her weekly doc visit.  When I pulled into the parking lot, I remembered that I had forgotten to get her handicapped placard from her truck whe I was doing car musical chairs.  Well, you would think that it was the worst thing that ever happened in history from her reaction.  She screamed and ranted at me and called me names including a "little twit".  I told her, "Well, if I'm a twit then you're a twat!"  She didn't like that very much and continued her ranting and raving and had the audacity to say that I'm 'disrespectful'.  There goes that projecting again.

But guess what?  There were no handicapped spots available, as the parking lot was quite full.  The only spots available were a few at the end of the parking lot a good distance from her doc's office.  I went down there, pulled into a spot and then backed out again because it appeared that someone was coming out a bit closer.  I went down there and pulled into that spot.  Guess what?  Not good enough!  It was indeed closer to where she had to go but she didn't want to be parked in front of the beauty supply shop because of 'too much foot traffic'.  Aaargh!!!  So I had to back out and go back to the original spot at the other end of the parking lot.  And then THAT spot wasn't good enough!  She wanted me to back out and go two spots over because it was under a small(very small) tree and would provide "some" shade.  I was already fed up with her bullshit by then and refused to move the car yet again.  More verbal abuse followed.

Then she told me that if the doctor asked me about the verdict on the Zim' case that I was to say nothing because 'they write everything you say down to report to the government.'  Did I ever tell you that she is paranoid about all sorts of govt conspiracy theories?  When we get into the exam room and the doc comes in and asks what we think of the verdict, guess what she does?  That's right!  She starts yammering on with her opinion for like 10 minutes.  Such a fucking hypocrite!

While she was getting her treatment, I went back to my car to call my dad instead of going to the waiting room.  I needed to tell him what I decided about my car and then complained to him about her behavior.  Of course he said he doesn't know why I put up with it and that I should move out.  :::facepalm:::  I know all this.  I only stay because we live in a very bad area and I'd feel guilty if something happened after I moved out.

After we left the doc office, we had to go to make a payment at the insurance agent's a few businesses down from the doc's.  I went in and while I was in there, I told my agent(who I shall call "L")about what happened with my car and the cops and the whole situation.  She wanted to come out and see the damage.  Perfect opportunity for my mother to get some narcissistic supply!  L and another employee came out and my mother proceeded to talk their ears off for the longest time.  The employee made an excuse and managed to excape, but L ended up getting an earful for about an hour.  Then her mother D(who is one of the owners, it's a family business)came out and my mother pounced on her.  At that point, L managed to get away and my mother proceeded to talk D's ear off for *another* hour until she finally just turned and excused herself and walked away.  My mother has no concept that she's holding these people up from getting back to their job.  She simply doesn't care as long as she has an audience and can feel like she is important and "holding court".

After that, I left by driving around the back of the building and leaving by way of the side street.  I had to get across the intersection into the turn lane but a big SUV came and was blocking my view.  I was stuck in the turn lane area and of course my mother had to start screaming and yelling at me about how I'm "impatient" and I'm "going to get us killed"  because I'm going to "continue to creep out into the oncoming traffic even though I can't see what's coming".  I was creeping a little bit in the turn lane to AVOID getting hit by traffic coming to my rear.  I NEVER crept into oncoming traffic or intended to go blindly into the near lane.  She had me absolutely furious!  I'm screaming at her that I'm absolutely NOT trying to just jump out into oncoming traffic when I can't see what's coming and she's screaming at me that I'm impatient and am intending to do exactly that.  AAAAaaargh!!!  

Finally, all the bastards that were obstructing my view made their turns and I was finally able to go.  If I was SOOOOO hell-bent on jumping out blindly into oncoming traffic and getting us killed, why did I wait until the vehicles blocking my view made their turns allowing me to see what was coming so I could make my turn?  Fucking hell!

Now....for what led to the ultimate blow-up today!

My mother comes and wakes me up(technically I was already awake, but just laying in bed thinking about some things to write for my fiction writing)so that I can take the pots and pans off the top of the washing machine and put them back into the oven so she can wash something.  Like she is wholly incapable of doing this herself.  She likes to use her back as an excuse when she doesn't want to do something and wants to treat me like I am the house slave.

I immediately got up and went and did what she asked me to do.  Usually when I get up, I go to the bathroom for pee-pees and to brush my teeth first. Her first interaction of the day with me has to be to aggravate me with her self centered behavior.  I did what she wanted first and foremost in hopes that she would leave me alone after that. Then, I went and did my morning routine and then made myself a cup of tea and returned to my bedroom.

Never being one to have any respect for me, she followed me up to my room and began talking about all sorts of bullshit about things that I couldn't care less about(She expects me to just listen in silence and not interrupt while she does her monologue which could last up to 45 minutes or an hour.). She couldn't care less that all this inane BS irritates me. She wants to talk about a bunch of nonsense and that's all that matters.  Who cares how I feel!  Then she got to what initiated the blow-up. 

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before how nasty and anti gay my mother is.  She started harping on about something the insurance agent D said about a nephew of her's who is gay. D said she believes people are born that way because he always acted effiminate even when he was a small child and liked to dress in his mother's shoes and clothes.  Of course my mother would not accept that.  She starts going on and on that D is WRONG and if you believe that they are born that way then you also have to believe that paedophiles are born that way as well and that you would have to accept child rape because they are born that way.  Then she says to me, "Don't you agree?"  This is something relatively new that she has come up with and it annoys me to no end. She will throw out one of her edicts/grand pronouncements(which are usually controversial or one of her delusions) and say 'don't you agree?' and then I am obligated to agree with her.  Usually I say 'yes' to try to end the torture. (BTW, right and wrong are judged solely upon whether or not they aline with my mothers beliefs.  If you do not believe the way my mother does then you are wrong and my mother will go on ad nauseum about it.)

Well, I did NOT agree with her.  I think it's mixing apples and oranges.  At that she flew into a rage.  I don't even remember what she was screaming at me as I tend to try to tune her out, but what enraged me is she starts leaning against the side of my bed and leaning over into my personal space screaming and pointing her finger right in my face almost touching me while spewing her venom.

At that, I jumped up spilling a bit of my tea, put my cup down on my dresser, and got right into her face and told her to get out of my room.  She wouldn't budge.  My room is quite small and the door is right at the foot of my bed and there is only a small path between the end of my bed and the dresser going to the door.  She was blocking my exit and as she is quite fat she starts bumping her fat stomach into me like a sumo and then screaming at me that if I touch her then she is going to call the police. (I guess it's okay that she is the one touching me. Always a different set of rules for her.)

Like I've said before, she gets me so angry that I can't always remember everything that was said during a fight, so I'm trying to remember the series of events the best I can.

In her sick twisted mind, everything she does to me is A-Okay and justifiable, but if I argue back and defend myself, then I'm a "little bitch" and "disrespectful" (THE most disrespectful, actually! LOL) and "ungrateful" and every other name she can pull out of the Narcissist's playbook.  Did I mention before that one of her newer names to call me is "genius"?  Whenever she is being nasty to me and I calmly ask her if she thinks that it is an appropriate behavior she'll nastily reply, "What do you think, GENIUS?"  Or something to the effect of, "You're the genius, YOU figure it out!"  Always full of venom when she says the word 'genius'.  I swear to God I hate that woman so much.  I fucking hate her and wish she would just DIE already.

Anyway, back to the fight as best as I can remember.  She's screaming at me that if I touch her, she's going to call the cops.  At this point, I'm was so sick of her shit that I grabbed my cell phone to call my dad to come get me.  I think she thought that I was going to call the cops myself and she tried to grab the phone out of my hand. I don't recall if I said that I was calling my dad to come and get me, but I probably did.  Then she started with all her threats---that I'd be sorry, that I'd live to regret it, that she would make me pay, that she wasn't going to allow me to take any of my belonging out of the house, that she wasn't going to allow me to take my jewelry, laptop, etc.  There was even the 'Why don't you just take a gun and shoot me' thrown in there somewhere, to which I replied, 'I'd never do something so stupid so I could spend the rest of my life in prison.' She'd love that.  Have me go from a virtual prison to a real prison.

She still wouldn't get out of my way and continued to scream in my face.  At this point I did something really ridiculous and childish myself...I started mocking her the way a little kid would do. Every word she said I repeated back to her.  It got her frustrated and annoyed.  Finally a ploy worked against her!  She finally left in a huff and I locked my door.

She's such a venomous and vindictive bitch.  I ended up not calling my father because it would only turn out badly for me just like the last time I tried to move out.  She pulled the same shit with not allowing me to take any of my stuff.  I had to call the cops.  They were useless as always and would only let me get some of my clothes and nothing else.  All the expensive items she claimed were hers even though I paid for most of them myself.  The useless fucking cops put the burden of proof on me.  I had to produce receipts.  Really?  Like the computer that she has no clue how to operate?  And that I'm the only one who knows the password to?  That's hers?  Riiiight.

I wasn't about to go through that bullshit again.  I'm still determined to move the fuck out of here, but I need to have my escape all planned out well in advance.  I don't want to involve my father in this mainly because he's of very little help, and secondly, if I moved in with him, the bitch would know exactly where I was and would be harassing me non-stop.  No, I'm of the Sicilian mindset that revenge is a dish best served cold.  I want to get all my ducks in a row before I make any decisions. I can't just make massive life-altering decisions in haste in the heat of the moment with my emotions out of control.  I want to find a steady job that will get me out of the house and buy me some privacy to take care of personal matters and I also want to get some legal advice.  Then she can take all her threats and stick them up her ass.
*
*
*
It is now around 11 hours after the big blow-up.  I am feeling emotionally numb and empty ATM.  I just finished watching the movie Mastermind.  I liked it.  It was very good, but I still feel numb.

More bullsh*t that happened yesterday

If you didn't read the last comment on the last post where I explained what happened to my car yesterday, go read it now.  I'm not going to type it again; I'm too pissed at the moment.  But here are some pics of the damage to my car caused by three pitbulls.

This is all so much bullshit. My car has several hundreds of dollars of damage because irresponsible pieces of shit have illegal dogs and let them run loose. Now I'm stuck with a fucked up car and I get to pay for the repairs myself. This is such a fucking third world country. It's turned completely to shit. There is no rule of law. The fucking cops refuse to do anything about crimes. I fucking hate this place.

A Dedication

Because every time I hear this song, I just think of my own mother. I swear, she is the most life and soul sucking bitch and I have the extreme bad fortune of having her as a mother. She just makes me wish I was dead sometimes, but then I have to remind myself to keep my eyes on the prize. I wish she would just fucking die already. I wish they had euthanasia in this country and they'd just put her miserable ass down already. God, how much longer do I have to wait until I'm free of this shit? I feel like freakin' Tita de la Garza from Like Water for Chocolate. AAAAAaaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!!

Anyway, I'll spare you the details. Suffice it to say, not only did I prep for Tuesday today, but I also vacuumed the floors and then mopped, and mowed the lawn without taking a break. But none of that is ever enough.

In other news, I'm watching the Star Trek movie from 2009. Pretty good so far. And hey! Look! Jennifer Morrison is in it! I saw the preview for The Wolverine today, and that looks pretty good as well. Nothing like some buff mutton-chopped Hugh Jackman noms to make for a movie I'd like to see!   ;D   ;D   ;D

Happy Independence Day!

Since Michiel de Ruyter didn't kick the English out of New York during the Second Anglo-Dutch War, the colonials had to do the job 111 years later.  So to commemorate the great ass-kicking and subsequent independence from The Monarchy, we shall blow shit up!

So eat plenty of BBQ'd swine flesh and drink plenty of beers, but not too many!  Because you don't want to be like that idiot in Ft. Lauderdale who blew off his hand with an M-80!  Burnt human flesh smells very nasty and you don't want to have to resort to wanking with a prosthetic!  ;P

May all your splodeys be successes...



...and not fails(probably best to turn the volume down on this one unless you want to go deaf or scare the old peeps! ;P).



(But sometimes fails are pretty awesome!)

Any of you code monkeys ever do this?

LOL

The Forbidden Legend of Sex and Chopsticks   LOL  What a title!  Turns the tedium of waiting for the train into a wang-fappity good time!

I think ten minutes is enough to get the job done IYKWIMAITYD!