Narc Jokes

How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. A narcissist will always manage to find someone else to carry out a menial chore like that.

What is one way to irritate a narcissist?
Pretend to enjoy doing the lowly menial chores which the narcissist has given you to do. It will make the narcissist think that he or she is missing out on something.

What should you say when a narcissist asks you what you want for your birthday?
Anything but what you actually want. At least then you will have a slim chance of actually getting what you want instead of what the narcissist thinks you ought to want.

What's a narcissist's idea of being a "slave"?
Not being able to boss everyone else about.

What do you call a narcissist who is never envious of others?
Exceptional!

What is a narcissist's idea of being abused?
Occasionally having to go along with someone else's preferences

Why do narcissists indulge in gaslighting?
Respondent: I don't know, why do narcissists indulge in gaslighting?
I said moonlighting, there's no such thing as gaslighting. Why did you think I said gaslighting?

Why do narcissists indulge in projection?
Respondent: I don't know. Why do...
It's not narcissists that indulge in projection, its you that indulges in projection. - you are so devoid of empathy and you always want lots of attention and if I dare to criticize you, you always fly off the handle and you go on and on and on about it and you never let me get a word in edgeways and as well as that you are always being charming to people when they are present and later on you always want to criticize them behind their backs!

What is accessible to a narcissist and to no-one else?
The family finances

What's a narcissist's idea of hard work?
Arranging for lots of people to do all the chores.

What do you call a narcissist who is content to sit in the background during a lively discussion?
Rare!

How can you tell when a narcissist is telling lies?
His/her lips are moving

What do you call a narcissist who is apparently content to sit and watch someone else being praised?
One that's eager to impress the present company, of course!

What's a narcissist's idea of compromise?
Persuading others to go along with the narcissist's preferences.

What do you call a narcissist who is never vengeful?
A myth.

Why does a narcissist often fail to keep his/her word?
Because a narcissist's promise is the narcissist's own property. So the narcissist has a right to break his/her promise if he/she wishes.

What do you call a narcissist who is always content to let his/her husband or wife or children choose where the family should go on holiday?
Definitely not a narcissist!

Jokes taken from IndyGirl1975's post at the OOTF forum. :) (Hey, it was either this or an expletive filled rant that I wrote last night.  QoH was reeeeally pushing my buttons. :( )

Thing #13,389 that QoH does that annoys me

First, I would like to say that I have a habit that I got from my sister.  Her room mate had an annoying habit of getting a fresh glass anytime he went to the kitchen for something instead of reusing the same one throughout the day.  This led to a massive glass collection all over the bedroom.  My sister used to complain about that all the time.  But it makes sense, no?  Just use the same glass throughout the day and then you don't have to wash a bunch of glasses by the end of the day.

So!  Last night, I washed all the dishes.  QoH gets up to a clean kitchen.  So by the time I'm ready to cook dinner(around 6pm), how many things that she used do you think I had to wash before I had a clean kitchen in which to prepare dinner?

- 5 plates
- 7 bowls
- 3 glasses
- 1 colander
- 1 pot + 1 lid
- 1 frying pan
- 1 cutting board
- 27 utensils (various knives, forks, spoons, spatulas, tongs, etc.)

By contrast, after my two meals I had dirtied 2 small plates and 2 forks.  I reused my same cup from the previous night.

This is a regular occurrence by the way.  It just got to me today because of the especially high number of items used.  It's not unusual for her to use at least 5 times as many things as me. She bitches if I don't wash the dishes at night even if it's only a few items, but if I have to wash a shit ton of dishes just to be able to have a space to fix dinner, then I shouldn't complain.  Isn't it nice to be a PD?  You get to enjoy double standards!

Swan Song

Now that Emma has officially sunk the SS Outlaw Queen(and for all those SwanQueen shippers who were holding out hope for *that*, I'm pretty sure the writers have officially sunk the SS Swan Queen, so...so much for the teasing!), if I was Regina, I'd tell them all 'Fuck you, you fucking fuckers! Ya know what? I'm done!' and walk right the hell out of there firing off double one finger salutes over my shoulders as they watch my back as I walk through the door. I'd find Henry, clap him on the shoulder, and tell him 'Well, it's been a good run. Have fun with your idiot family! Good luck, gods bless, and have a wonderful life!' and then I'd pack some of my shit in the Mercedes and roll on out of town. Let it burn! Cuz you know what? With the idiots in charge, Storybrooke will likely be a smoldering heap in six months.

Seriously, Emma was epically stupid. I think she fell out of the Stupid Tree and hit every branch on the way down. She just got through referencing Back To The Future, Hook(and someone at tv.com called him Dr. WHook which made me LOL) just lectured her on time travel, freakin' RUMPLESTILTSKIN lectured them on not interfering or changing shit, so what does the dumbass do?

Grrrr...

Anyway, I gave Outlaw Queen(not that I was shipping that) a shot even though I did not find the actor who played Robin Hood appealing in ANY way, shape, or form, I just wanted to see Regina happy. Although, like I mentioned in the previous comments thread, now she has a chance to do better. Robin was so BORING. Regina needs someone more dynamic. And the whole situation with him and his kid just felt like the whole King Leopold be-my-replacement-wife-and-raise-my-kid thing all over again. Let the poor woman pick who she wants to love, not have it determined by fate or fairy dust or whatever. Seriously girl, roll on outta there! If I was a writer for this show, I'd have hooked you up with someone awesome! But since I'm not, go ahead and fireball all their asses!

And they're bringing the Snow Queen to freakin' Maine? What's she going to do? Make it cold the other 4 months of the year?

And another thing that bothered me...Rumple is a massive DICK! and treats Belle like SHIT! I think the poor girl has Stockholm Syndrome just like us fans who keep coming back for all the abuse that the writers give us.

Oh! And the one bit of good news...Intelligence has been cancelled so hopefully Meghan Ory will be back as Ruby/Red. Fingers crossed! (see? Stockholm Syndrome for sure!)

Who is sassier?

Is Real Life Arekino sassier?  Or is Dream Land Arekino sassier?

Real life Arekino smashes eggs and vexes Vogons, but Dream Land Arekino does things that make me blush in wakey-wakey land.  Last night, I asked Dream Land Arekino if they had any of those theaters that had the love seats where he lives and he said that 'Yes, it's called my living room.' O.o  It's funny that dream land me was thinking that those ones in the theaters are probably scuzzy and crawling with all sorts or icky germs.  Arekino's sofa would likely be much safer...but for whom?  ;D

Later on, Dream Land Arekino got very feisty and surprised me with some sneak attack wrestling. I didn't mind at all, as I'm always game for some wrestling.  ;P   He put me on my back but I went "mission control" and tried to work an arm bar.  Just because I'm on my back does not mean I'm not in control FWI and thank you very much! ;P  Too bad I woke up before seeing where all *that* was going to go. Maybe someone got saved from Xul going evil and doing a gogo plata.  >:-D>

So that's twice this week that Real Life Arekino has planted his subliminal juju in my brain to make Dream Land Arekino visit me.  ;D

Anyway, completely unrelated...I was watching a story on the news about some place that has classes for parents and kids to teach them how to do cake/cupcake/cookie decorating.  They mentioned something about 'being a pastry chef requires precision' and that got my attention as I am very much a precise detail oriented person when it comes to things which require artistry.  I think I would probably make a good pastry chef.  I know I make excellent crepes and the birthday cake that I made myself the other night was absolutely delicious(surprisingly, as it was the first time I made a cake entirely from scratch).  If it wasn't for the fact that I was trying to do it without QoH finding out, it would have turned out much better if I had the time to do it without anyone interfering.

I just might have to look into whether one of the local schools offers a pastry chef course.  :)

Good Gifts, Bad Gifts

As some of you know, my birthday is in a few days.  I was just thinking of the gifts that I have received over the years and which ones were memorable because they were good and which were memorable because they sucked so very, very badly.

The only person I knew who ever consistently gave me really awesome gifts was my sister.  She knew what was cool and what I liked and gifted accordingly.  One of the more memorable things she gave me was a pair of dinosaur feet bedroom slippers that made roaring and smashing noises.  My mother *really* hated those as she thought they were a waste of money.  If I liked them and they made me happy, then they were not a waste of money.

Another memorable gift was from my sister's friends who lived down the hall in her building.  They themselves were memorable as one was a former high fashion model and her husband had won the NY state lotto.  Anyway, they were both quite the characters and they gave me Warcraft 3 as a gift.  Pretty cool as they were mainly my sister's friends and more or less just acquaintances with me.

My parental units on the other hand, give craptastical gifts.  The momster likes to give things that are "practical" such as bras that are not my style or things that are her taste.  She thinks that she is the ultimate gift giver, though.  She will also buy expensive electronics for me on occasion, but if I try to move out of the house, I am not allowed to take them with me because 'she bought them'.  I'm fairly sure that's not how gift giving works.

The dadster is probably the worst gift giver as he is such a cheapskate and somehow thinks that I'm perpetually 10 years old.  When I was 28, he gave me a reflector telescope, which would have been a nice gift, except he had it hanging around his mother's house for maybe 10 years, decaying in the humidity, and by the time I got it, the mirror was corroded so badly that the whole telescope was useless.  Another time he gave me some horrible piece of crap "cuckoo clock" that he got from some crappy mail order in Parade magazine.  WTF?  If it was an actual Bavarian one that was nice it would be a WTF? as in WTF would I want with a freakin' cuckoo clock?  But it was even worse than that as it was a very cheaply made thing, made from thin press board that was laminated with fake wood and had pasted-on pictures of cats on it.  And to make matters worse, the "clockwork" was electronic and battery operated.  Oy.

I really hate bad gifts.  I hate when people waste money on crap.  I'd rather have the cash even if you only feel I'm worth spending $5 on.  It's insulting to get crap.  It tells me you don't know me at all and have no clue as to my likes and dislikes.