Birthday Police

Sooooo Arekinooooo...

...The Birthday Police heard that you had a sub-par birthday and that birthday laws may have been violated.  Officer Naughty and Sergeant Sexy here are going to have to come by and question you about the activities(or lack thereof) that occurred and most likely detain you and give you a good frisking.  ;P

I think that you should give them your full cooperation or else they might get angry with you and have to take you down. And they might rub their boobehs on you in the process and I know that you most likely would not want that to happen. ;P ;P ;D

In other news, there is a new TV show that I like called Big Giant Swords. It's about this crazy guy named Irish Mike who makes these big-ass fantasy style swords. Totally my kind of show. :)

Just call me Her Smugness

Okay!  So recently I've been watching a lot of TV shows like Cops and Jail and World's Wildest Police Chases as well as just finishing up a nearly 250,000 word fanfic of OUAT characters as cops.  Now, I certainly don't have the personality or the temperment to be a cop, but I *have* thought about what it would be like to have the job(and random peeps think I'm a cop sometimes).  Having to deal with assholes and assorted criminals and such every working day is completely unappealing to me, but the fact that I could legally tase someone who richly deserved it does hold a modicum of appeal.  ;D

Anyway, I was curious as to what qualifications were necessary and what procedure one would have to take if one was interested in pursuing such a career.  I did a little Google-fu and found the website for the Miami police training center.  Seems all one needs is to be over 19 years of age, a citizen, a high school graduate, have no misdemeanor or felony convictions, and have a valid Florida driver's license. You must also pass something called the Criminal Justice Basic Abilities Test(I'm assuming one of the local community colleges offers this course) and pass the physical agility exam.  There were also hundreds of dollars worth of fees involved along the way with each exam and you also had to pass a psych evaluation and polygraph to be able to enroll in the Academy.  In all, I think it was nearly $7,000 in expenses(including tuition).  D:

Anyway, the thing that interested me the most was the physical agility exam.  For someone my age who is technically past prime(although I don't consider myself past *my* prime since I'm probably in the best physical condition of my life), the minimum requirements were somewhat laughable.  The only parts of the test that would concern me are the running portions, since I'm notorious for my hatred of running.

There were four "tasks" on this test: 1.5 Mile run, with the maximum for a female in my age category being 16:46 minutes(the last time I was made to run a mile for speed was in maybe middle school and I did it in just a little over 8 minutes), Push-ups with 1 minute time limit and the minimum for my category being 9, Sit-ups with a 1 minute time limit--minimum being 22, and a 300 meter run with the maximum for my age being 82 seconds.

The push-ups and sit-ups minimums were so absurd to me that after I read that list last night I immediately jumped up to see how quickly I could do 10 push-ups(around 15 seconds) and how many sit-ups I could do(okay, so I did crunches instead of sit-ups, but it was late and I had no one to hold my feet--I did 100 in a minute BTW--cuz I totally have super hero abs ;P).  I resolved that when I woke up the next morning I was going to do it all properly with an actual timer just to see how I'd do.

Luckily when I got up today, QoH had gone back to bed so I had the downstairs area to myself.  And since the easiest way to time myself was to use the timer on the oven, I did my push-ups in the kitchen.  I blasted 20 real and proper ones in about 34 seconds and then got up and stared at the timer winding down for maybe 15 seconds and then asked myself 'why are you stopping now?' and then got back down and did 10 more before my time was up.  So 30 in a minute. And push-ups isn't even a part of my exercise regime!  ;P

Sit-ups I can do no problem, so 22 in a minute is nothing to me.  I could probably do at least 40, but I haven't tried it yet.  I'm sure I could manage the running portions with a little bit of training. I could *probably* do the 300 meter run in my current condition.  I haven't been *made* to run in 25 years.  I *do* have a treadmill and I am curious to see how long it would take me to do 1.5 miles.  I'd likely have to do it when QoH is in bed to avoid her suspicions or interrogations.

Like I said before, I wouldn't want to be a cop, but for personal smugness I'd like to think that I'm physically fit enough to do it.  ;P

Regina's Office x Game Of Thrones

The other night I was thinking what I'd do with the house should QoH actually croak and leave it to me.  I know the first thing I'd do is throw out a ton of crap and get rid of a few pieces of furniture that I *really* hate.  Next, the kitchen could use some updating with some new cabinets and counter tops. The floors throughout the place need to be redone.  And then to redecorate in my style. ::insert big evil grin::

QoH's style and my style do not align.  She likes antiques and frou-frou and leopard print and crap that looks like it came from Downton Abbey.  Me?  While I was looking at some furniture on the internet I had the thought that my style is definitely a cross between Regina's office on OUAT and Game of Thrones.  I had that thought because I was looking into some different mid century modern designs in black and white(my favorite color combination) and thought that it would be totally badass to add some fluffy animal pelts as accents and perhaps some chain mail curtains/room dividers.  It's a bit like Icelandic design, but I like Regina's office x GOT.  LOL

For the front room I was thinking that the white marble fireplace mantle could stay, but the rest of it can go.  I located that awesome birch wallpaper they used for Regina's office,

so I'd like to do at least one accent wall with that.  I'd put in some book shelves--perhaps the floating variety--for my shit ton of books, and then I was thinking something totally crazy like a white sofa would look cool. Maybe mix up the styles a bit--like a tufted white leather one and some black Barcelona chairs.

Throw some furs around. A wolf pelt would be good.  Maybe a couple raccoons.  Definitely put my geodes and gargoyles on display.  Maybe some of my swords and armor pieces, too.

I'd like the basement to be a game room like it was originally intended instead of the crap-hoard depository.  I'd like a pool table with a purple felt top, redo the bar, and put the TV and my guitars and amps down there.