And Now For Something I Like

Halloween, my most favorite holiday of all holidays, is just around the corner. It seems that one of the more popular costumes this season is a Spartan like in that movie The 300. Well, I'm not too keen on trends, but when I was browsing something completely unrelated, I came across this:




And this:



I think they would look dead sexy. Now, I haven't worn a skirt since I was in parochial school*, the experience having put me right off them, but that sort of thing would definitely make me reconsider. These would also make pretty good work attire... with the right accessories like a battle axe or flail, no one would dare give you any shit. Collate THIS mother fucker!!!



*No, the uniforms we had to wear back then were NOT sexy like some playgirl fantasy, they were gawd-awful ugly, plaid, and past the knee length.

Forgot to mention that the leather gear can be found here.

What's Good For The Goose...

For all the sanctimonious fuckholes at PETA...



And go and neuter yourselves while your at it. I'm quite sick of all your naked ads.

Our Lady of Westchester

Religious folk are a silly lot, especially the Catholics. Seems today, down in Westchester, the Virgin Mary made an appearance along with Joseph and the baby Jesus. Yah, it was all over the news today.

All the fanatics were out in the 90 degree heat to get a glimpse at what appeared to me to be the reflection from a votive candle cast onto a piece of cloth. It's not the Virgin Mary, it's a fucking shadow. Some people don't have any fucking sense at all. I wonder what the twits are going to do when the candle burns out?

Throw It In Reverse

I want to live my next life in reverse.

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better each day.

You then get kicked out for being too healthy. Collect your pension and enjoy your retirement.

When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work for 40 years until you are too young.

You get ready for high school: drink, party, and act like a little shit.

Next you go to primary school. You become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.

Then you become a baby...
You spend your last nine months floating in luxurious, spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap, and then...

You finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

Home Improvement

When thinking about home improvement, don't bother wasting money on things like kitchen or bath remodels- they'll only add negligible value to your home. The best upgrades are usually the least inexpensive.

I was thinking about getting one of those stripper poles for my rec room. It could prove to be money well spent as well as quite entertaining.

This is my friend Fuzzy. That's not her real name but those are her real boots.

The Boy Toy says she's welcome over any time.

She's quite talented, isn't she? I think Fuzzy should quit her day job.

It Was Like That Seinfeld Episode

I had to take my car in to the dealer. I HATE taking any vehicle to the dealer because they are Thieving Bastards™. Well, most all mechanics are Thieving Bastards™ but especially the dealers. I didn't mind so much in this case because my car is still under warranty (thank God) and I wouldn't have to pay the $600 repair bill.

The driver's side power window went on the fritz, which was really inconvenient since I need to be able to roll the window down to swipe the card thingy to get through the security gate at work. My car isn't even that old and things shouldn't be breaking so soon, but hey, if it lasted forever the car companies wouldn't continue to make money off you.

Another thing I hate is for anyone to drive my car. People always like to move the seat around, adjust the tilt, play with the mirrors, screw with the air vents, steal your coins and cd's, radar detector, GPS, etc. and mechanics always manage to get grease on the upholstery. And what the fuck do they think they are accomplishing by putting that little piece of paper on the floor? My thick, rubber mats aren't sufficient?

Anyway, I took it in and they finished the work in about an hour and a half which is a miracle in itself. The other miracle was that nothing seemed to be screwed with. Amazing. And the window worked on top of all of it.

I took it home and had a couple days off and didn't go anywhere in the car. After a couple days, I had to go somewhere and go out to the car, open the door, and Holy Christ! The car reeked of B.O.!!! God Almighty! Don't mechanics believe in deodorant? And greasy smelling B.O. on top of it. I immediately had a flashback to that Seinfeld episode.

So much for that new car smell.