An Undergarment or an Eye Patch?

Dudes, seriously? WTF is it with this? Ya go to Ross or TJ Maxx or Marshalls or whatever el cheapo discount store of your choice trying to find a regular ol' cotton bikini brief that covers the ol' rump roast and there's nothing! Nada! Zip! Zilch! The only thing to be found are these freakin' gawd awful thongs! I don't want to deliberately give myself a wedgie. I don't want to floss my arse. Have the Underpants Gnomes taken all the regular underpants away to their secret underpants lair, still waiting to figure out step #2?

So how do you lot feel about thongs? (And if you answer "with my hands" I'll hunt you down and give ya a SMACK!) Choose one or give me an original answer:

1. Yes! I love to floss my arse!
2. Yes! If that's the popular thing, count me in!
3. No way! I don't want to floss my arse!
4. I prefer regular underpants.
5. I'm a leezer and prefer to wear men's y-fronts.
6. I'm a dude and I love to wear the ol' banana hammock and butt floss combo!
7. I'm a dude and prefer boxers.
8. I like to go commando.