Nobody Reads This Shit Anyway

I must really be bored if I'm actually writing in my stupid blog. I can't believe I actually have a blog since it is a very gay thing to do. What's even gayer is reading blogs, and the gayest of all would have to be commenting on other peoples blogs. And when I use the term "gay" I don't mean homosexual, I mean gay. I shouldn't have to be explaining this, you figure out what I mean.

Anyway... So Sunday I went to the beach. I love the beach... all the free entertainment you can get. My maniac friends like to get there at 8am which is totally insane, but they're from Pennsylvania so I guess that's what people who are not from here like to do. My delicate skin just can't handle it so I got there after noon. ( I'm sporting that "goth surfer" look. Hooray for spf 50!) So it seems we picked a good day cuz they were having a power boat race right out in front of where we were. That was pretty cool. And I forgot to mention that it is completely insane to go to the beach on a weekend cuz everyone in the universe is there (even though that contributes to the entertainment factor). Ok then. The race was cool and all and then we went in for a bit. I just want to know this: What the fuck happened to all the waves? I know it's Florida, but still. It's been like a freakin' swimming pool out there since the hurricanes last year. I would like to actually catch a wave on my boogey board instead of just bobbing around! Grrrrr. At least the water was warm like I like it.

Then after we got out of the water we decided to stay a while longer since it was so nice which means going to feed the meter. While I'm walking back, these two guys take a look at me and start up like they'd never seen a woman before (and I was wearing a lot more than most out there: bikini top and board shorts).

"OH MY GAWD! OH MY GAWWWD!!!! SEXY! SEXY! GIT 'R DONE!!! GIT 'R DONE!!!!!!"

For christ's sake! Calm thyselves! Jeeez! But I do have to admit I had a big fat grin on my face all the way back to my beach chair. At least it beat the usual "Mami, mami! ssssss! ssssss!" That is so annoying. I crack up every time I think about those blue collar dudes. That shit was too funny. I know I'm not bad to look at, but damn!

Oh! Nearly forgot! There are always those at the beach who just don't give a damn how nasty their body looks and have no shame in showing it to all creation but this one dude took the prize. He was walking by us and I'm like "Look at that!" So my friend looks, says "Is that..." pauses, "his ass? I thought it was corduroy for a second! That was just too much for my brain to process all at once!"

Yup. Corduroy ass.

If you are old and your ass is saggy, I implore you, don't wear a thong for God's sake! I had to take my eyeballs out and bleach 'em.

Later for now! Don't be good!