Tuesday, February 05, 2013

What is this?

One of the many odd things that my mother does from time to time is to feel the need to point out if a man "checks me out."  She says this with a great amount of disdain.  I'm not sure why she feels the need to do this.  I don't particularly care to feel objectified, and I don't like if someone leers like a pervert at me .  I'd rather not know about it.  I'm not sure what it is she gets out of telling me.  What is her damn problem?  Does she think that I'm her property and how dare someone look at her property?  Is it because she hates men?  I've always felt from her comments and attitude toward men that she hates them.  Or is it that she's jealous that someone is looking at me and not her?  I'm fairly sure that she's NPD and an aging one at that, and that is something that is difficult for someone with that particular PD.  It's just so weird and uncomfortable.

Just like today at her acupuncturist.  He made the comment to me that maybe I should come there and start taking acupuncture so I wouldn't have to be bored out in the waiting room while waiting for my mother to finish her session.  Then later after her treatment, she had to bring up what he said and then say, "Oh, all he wants is to put his hands on you!"  Well, I didn't take it that way.  Maybe I'm just oblivious when it comes to men and their intentions.  Or maybe she just feels the need to imply a sexual intent to every interaction I have with a guy.  It truly creeps me out.

I think she's projecting her "man issues" onto me.  PDs love to project. 

4 Comments:

Anonymous arekino said...

It sounds like your mother is sexually frustrated. Plus maybe she thinks that if you find a man then you'll leave her.

Or it could be that her attitude is part of her cultural background. I don't know.

Does anybody really know your mother?

PDs love to project.

Does that mean she thinks you have the same "man issues" as she has?

Tuesday, February 05, 2013 3:23:00 PM  
Blogger Xul said...

I don't have the same man issues that she has. Firstly, I don't hate men. I don't believe that all men are bad and scumbags like she does. I don't take the attitude that a man is supposed to be an ATM and a servant. I don't think she likes sex and she hates men because they do. In fact, I don't think she likes the idea of anyone being their own person. I think she would like to live in a world where everyone believes exactly like she does, does everything that she wants them to do, and everyone exists to serve her. And if everyone was a eunuch that would be great. She's the biggest control freak I've ever seen.

I really think that she thinks that I'm her exclusive possession. She always bad-mouths all my friends in an attempt to drive them away. She does a fucking excellent job at it. She's such a miserable pain in the ass that everyone stays as far away as possible.

Does anybody really know your mother? I'm not sure she even knows herself.

In all honesty, she is a very fear-based person. I had that shit projected onto me my whole life to the point that I was a fucking basket-case. If it wasn't for the whole 'crazy blogger' thing finally making me hit rock bottom and finally seeing the need to change big-time, I shudder to think what a mess I'd be now.

She thinks that I'm here to take care of her. She actually had the audacity to say to me a few times before that she doesn't know what I'm going to do when I get old because I don't have any kids. Well, why the fuck do you suppose that is? Haven't you done a fucking excellent job keeping me isolated and making sure I never have any kind of relationship with anyone? And maybe the example of marriage that I had growing up was such a horror show that I'd never want to put myself or anyone through that kind hell?

The other thing that really pisses me off about her is she is actually resentful that she had to take care of me when I was a kid. The fuck? As if I had any choice about being born? Like I somehow MADE you have to take care of me? Fucking bitch. I came to the conclusion all on my own a long time ago that I wasn't wanted. Now she has the audacity to make me feel like I'm obligated to take care of her because she took care of me? Great Buddha on a pogo stick! Isn't that something!

Tuesday, February 05, 2013 3:55:00 PM  
Anonymous arekino said...

I'm not sure I've ever seen this much anger from you. I do appreciate your openness.

Great Buddha on a pogo stick!

I rather like that image :)

In other news, I've finished watching season 1 of GOT and I'm a fan. I'd really like to watch season 2 now. Unfortunately the library doesn't seem to have it.

Wednesday, February 06, 2013 1:32:00 PM  
Blogger Xul said...

I'm not sure I've ever seen this much anger from you. I do appreciate your openness. You are a good listener, Arekino. I can vent to you and you won't condemn me for it. You're a real mensch. (<-highest compliment in Yiddish)

I rather like that image :) I thought I should expand my 'taking holy names in vain' to other religions. ;P

I've finished watching season 1 of GOT and I'm a fan. Ya see? Cool, isn't it?

HBO has been unkind lately(well, the satellite company) and hasn't had any GoT on during the free preview weekend. I guess it's because they were between seasons. Season 3 is supposed to start soon.

Wednesday, February 06, 2013 2:09:00 PM  

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