O.o
One of the many, many things that my mother does that aggravates me to no end is when she exaggerates things. In my opinion, exaggerating is the same thing as lying. For example, today I had to color my hair because I was starting to get the badger look. I tend to get very white on the sides and then a little bit in the widow's peak area and then the rest is just sorta salt and pepper. It had grown out maybe 2 or 2.5 inches, enough to be very noticeable, and was time for a coloring.
After I had got it all colored and was waiting for it to set, my mother has to come and yammer at me about something. Then she has to bring up that my early greying is hereditary and I get it from my father. (As if she doesn't have the same greying pattern, or her side of the family for that matter. All one has to do is look at pictures of her side to see that they grey the same way. But of course, that fault has nothing to do with her.) Anyway, I mentioned something about the first time I colored it was the hardest since there were greys(actually, they're white) that were grown out really long and it's easy to miss those. Subsequent colorings are easier since I really only have to get the hair closest to my scalp. That's when she jumps all over me, "Oh no! It wasn't grown out just two inches! It was THIS MUCH!!!" Then she holds her two index fingers out about a foot apart. Now this is just so fucking ridiculous on so many levels. Firstly, I look in the mirror every day and I'm pretty sure my eyes work just fine. It was only two inches. I just was in the damn bathroom coloring my hair. I was just looking at it. It was two inches. But nooooooo!!!!! I'm wrong! Don't believe my lying eyes! My mother says it was grown out a foot, dammit! So it's a foot! Seriously, if it was grown out a foot my hair would be almost completely white. It would have looked bizarre. I swear, she has such a warped perception of things.
Another thing that she does is get names and quotes wrong. Then she will tell someone that *I'm* the one who said such and such, but getting all the details wrong. It makes me look like the idiot because she tells them that I said that. NO I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT SAY THAT! One thing I'm gifted with is an excellent memory, especially for names. I don't get names wrong. I don't pronounce names wrong. I don't call people by one name that I just pick out of the air when their name is actually something else. That's shit that my mother does. It's all so very irritating.
I have been reading on a PD support site recently. Whenever my mother gets especially annoying I like to go read posts at that site so that I know there are other people who have to put up with the same sorts of bullshit. One of the things I learned about is something called The Imposter Syndrome. Now I have a name to put on a way of thinking that I've had for a long time. Seems there's a name and label for everything these days.
Another thing that I found interesting was this thread. Seems a common trait in PDs is to not take any interest in teaching their children simple things like grooming.
And this gem:
After I had got it all colored and was waiting for it to set, my mother has to come and yammer at me about something. Then she has to bring up that my early greying is hereditary and I get it from my father. (As if she doesn't have the same greying pattern, or her side of the family for that matter. All one has to do is look at pictures of her side to see that they grey the same way. But of course, that fault has nothing to do with her.) Anyway, I mentioned something about the first time I colored it was the hardest since there were greys(actually, they're white) that were grown out really long and it's easy to miss those. Subsequent colorings are easier since I really only have to get the hair closest to my scalp. That's when she jumps all over me, "Oh no! It wasn't grown out just two inches! It was THIS MUCH!!!" Then she holds her two index fingers out about a foot apart. Now this is just so fucking ridiculous on so many levels. Firstly, I look in the mirror every day and I'm pretty sure my eyes work just fine. It was only two inches. I just was in the damn bathroom coloring my hair. I was just looking at it. It was two inches. But nooooooo!!!!! I'm wrong! Don't believe my lying eyes! My mother says it was grown out a foot, dammit! So it's a foot! Seriously, if it was grown out a foot my hair would be almost completely white. It would have looked bizarre. I swear, she has such a warped perception of things.
Another thing that she does is get names and quotes wrong. Then she will tell someone that *I'm* the one who said such and such, but getting all the details wrong. It makes me look like the idiot because she tells them that I said that. NO I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT SAY THAT! One thing I'm gifted with is an excellent memory, especially for names. I don't get names wrong. I don't pronounce names wrong. I don't call people by one name that I just pick out of the air when their name is actually something else. That's shit that my mother does. It's all so very irritating.
I have been reading on a PD support site recently. Whenever my mother gets especially annoying I like to go read posts at that site so that I know there are other people who have to put up with the same sorts of bullshit. One of the things I learned about is something called The Imposter Syndrome. Now I have a name to put on a way of thinking that I've had for a long time. Seems there's a name and label for everything these days.
Another thing that I found interesting was this thread. Seems a common trait in PDs is to not take any interest in teaching their children simple things like grooming.
And this gem:
Are your parents consistently respectful towards you? Abide by your boundaries? Allow you your choices and your independence without rebuke? Not insist that you be at their beck and call? Not believe "you owe them"?^This. It's called validation. It's nice.
If you answer "yes" to these questions, then you likely don't have pd-enmeshed parents. If you answer "no", then you've a dysfunctional family situation, and dynamic which can't be fixed by confrontation, or by constructive discussion. Any action other than more "put up and shut up" capitulation by the aggrieved adult-child will likely cause more anger, rage, and FOG. This realization is what causes many of us to slip into "limited contact", and sometimes into "no further contact", without confrontation and without protracted discussion of issues, because we realize we really don't have "voice" in this destructive family dynamic.
posted by Xul at 5:01 PM
5 Comments:
One of the things I learned about is something called The Imposter Syndrome.
I recognize that. Always feeling like I'm a fraud.
not take any interest in teaching their children simple things like grooming.
My dad is like that. Couldn't give me a compliment if his life depended on it. I do do that myself. It's something I forced myself to learn.
to slip into "limited contact", and sometimes into "no further contact"
I have a tendency to do that. I did that at a job a couple of times. Just walked out. Looking back I think I could have handled that better.
My mother and father both have different styles of dysfunction. My father is the rational/distant/distrustful one (mostly, he's not a caricature) and my mother is the paranoid/hovering/distrustful one (her I can call a caricature :).
Always feeling like I'm a fraud. Yeah. And when someone gives you a compliment on something you think that they are either lying or don't know what they are talking about. Just like the two guys from school who admired my art abilities. It was uncomfortable to me the way that they carried on about my work. I was like, 'dudes, seriously? are you demented? I'm not that good' when I'm actually better than them. I have blue ribbons and best of show ribbons for art to prove it but I'm sill critical of my own work.
Couldn't give me a compliment if his life depended on it. Well I would like to give you a compliment. I think that you are lovely and a cutie pie and when you speak of certain things, you become smoking hot IMO. So there. :)
And what's with our old peeps? It seems certain generations have their own personality disorders.
I just don't get the whole grooming thing. I mean, come on! Wouldn't you want your kids to know how to do basic thing? You have to take into consideration that kids are learning everything new. They don't come pre-programmed knowing how to do everything. They can't be judged on an adult level because they don't have the knowledge and experience of adults.
I cringe when I look at pictures of myself as a kid. No one taught me about doing my hair in different style, make-up, fashionable clothing, etc. I had to learn all that stuff after I was an adult from TV or magazines or whatever. My appearance is important to me now.
My mother and father both have different styles of dysfunction. As do mine. It makes my head hurt to try to apply labels. My mother is easy to figure out while my dad...it's just easier to say he's nuts and leave it at that.
I'm sorry your peeps are barking mad, too, Arekino. :::hugs:::
It seems certain generations have their own personality disorders.
It seems that way, although I have no idea what my grandparents' disorders were. They did live through the 2nd world war. Who knows what effect that had on them?
they don't have the knowledge and experience of adults.
Some adults don't even have that.
I'm sorry your peeps are barking mad, too,
That is an exaggeration. But thank you anyway. :) :::hugs:::
That is an exaggeration. But thank you anyway. :) Well, they still drive you nuts. :(
Well, they still drive you nuts. :(
Sometimes they certainly do drive me bonkers. :/
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